Wednesday, January 31, 2007

1-31-07

I got in the car this morning and the CD was playing Sanctus Real's "I'm Not Alright."
If weakness is a wound
That no one wants to speak of
Then "cool" is just how far we have to fall
I am not immune -- I only want to be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall
Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth, I need to confess
I'm not alright
I'm broken inside, broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to you, it leads me to you
Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
Until everything I hide behind is gone
And when I'm open wide
With nothing left to cling to
Only you are there to lead me on
Cause honestly, I'm not that strong
I'm not alright
I'm broken inside, broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to you, it leads me to you
And I move, and I move, and I move...closer to you
And I move, and I move, and I move...closer to you
................
I'm not alright...that's why I need you

I am not alright. But I'm not ready to ask to be brought to my knees - although I think I am already there. And I'm not at the point where I can do anything more than intellectually say I need God - not at the point where I FEEL it.

Jars of Clay writes Dead Man (Carry Me) -

I woke up from a dream about an empty funeral
But it's better than a party full of people I don't really know
Well, they've got hearts to break and burn, dirty hands to feel the earth
There's something in my veins but I can't seem to make it work
Won't work So carry me
I'm just a dead man
Lying on the carpet
Can't find a heartbeat
Make me breathe
I wanna be a new man
Tired of the old one
Out with the old plan
Can you find a beat? Inside of me?
Any pulse, getting worse Any pulse, getting worse
Inside of me In front of me

I can absolutley relate to that song. I do not feel alive. I feel dead inside. Not able to make it work. Unable to breathe. I want to be a new person - tired of the old one but I can't find a beat inside of me and it is just getting worse.

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