Healing in the end will be my Revenge.
I found that statement on another blog and it has been reverberating through my head all night and morning. Different people have made similar statements to me in the past - staying a perma-victim is letting "him" win; hating yourself is what "he" wants; staying silent, feeling ashamed....all of that stuff...lets the abusers win.
I am a competitor. I hate losing. But I can't seem to muster up the strength and the courage for this war. I find myself fighting, and sometimes winning, an occasional battle, but the war is long and drawn out and I am tired.
For today, I'm going to try to have a better outlook. Until 5 anyway. Then I meet with J. And if I go in there with this great, I'm going to win, attitude, we'll never get to the real stuff. The raw stuff. Which, while I'd love to skip, I know I can't. Because it's part of the war.
I need to, and I will, I hope, win this war....the war of healing....which in the end is the ultimate revenge.