So anyway, driving back from my meeting with the windows open and good music on. Can't go as fast as I want because there is a state trooper in front of me. So I had to follow him and he was only going 73 (in a 65)! Couldn't decide what to do about lunch. Started getting panicky - no idea why. So I went to the local sub shop, picked up a sandwich and, knowing my office is quiet at lunch, came back here to check in with online groups, eat my lunch and relax in the quiet.
Of course, given that it is 2007 and no one's life is complete without email, I need to check my messages. Last Friday was the IM conversation with Mom. On Sunday, I found out from my sister that mom is (1) convinced I'm exagerating everything; (2) convinced I'm making too big of a deal out of things and need to just "get over it"; (3) should quit therapy because, after all, if I wasn't thinking/talking about these things, it would just all go away, and (4) is mad because our relationship has changed. Two days ago I sent out a "hi, how are you, general update" type email to all the family, including Mom. Today I get an email back - just from her -
Hi. Just wondering how you are doing. Haven't talked to you for
awhile, and I worry about you. Hope everything is okay,
and getting better. Love and hugs, Mom
(insert silent scream here)
- "wondering how I'm doing" - ASK ME. She doesn't ever ask. I think she's afraid of the answer. Part of me is quite tempted to just tell her. A "dear mom, life is crappy, all your fault, love me" type letter.
- "haven't talked to you for awhile" - we talked 1 1/2 weeks ago; IM-ed one week ago. I emailed you (okay, a group email) this week. How about responding?
- "I worry about you" - Why would that be? Why the worry all of a sudden? Where was the worry when I was 12?
- "Hope everything is okay and getting better" - getting better? Oh, you mean you DO have a clue that life isn't peachy keen over here.....hmm, how about addressing THAT once in awhile.
UGH. Throwing wadded up paper around my office just isn't all that effective in releasing anger.