I LOVE having friends that refuse to let me wallow in self-pity. That hug me when I'm down, and give me a swift kick in the pants when I need to get up! I have such friends in my online group. One wrote me a response to my "days, hours, minutes" post from yesterday. She gave her permission for me to post parts of it here.
"Well, first of all, let me give you some different numbers to look at:
3 Years - 1095 Days - 26,280 Hours - 1,576,800 Minutes - That's where you started.
1 Year - 365 Days - 8,760 Hours - 525,600 Minutes - That's what is already behind you.
Instead of dates and timelines, I think you should consider your goals, one at a time and focus on those, as well as the things you have accomplished. You went back to counseling. You started this group which has helped you and other women. You started a blog and are touching other people. You told your story. You've remembered things that were repressed. You've written and shared things that were tucked away for years. You have a more realistic, albeit strained, relationship with your mother. You've confronted her and even took her to J's with you. You have admitted, and are taking steps to minimize, your pinning.
I know you are reading this and saying "Well, what good has all that done me? I'm struggling in my marriage, my career, my faith and everything else in my life." I know you are. But I think that is just part of the process. It gets worse before it gets better. And you can't face the horrible, old stuff without feeling like this about it. Think of it as the foundation of a building. Let's say we're building a house.....there was this serene, scenic wooded lot. And we came in with bulldozers and backhoes and ripped it to shreds. Trees knocked over with their roots up in the air, piles of dirt and mud, holes, boulders. Blech. Ugly. Why would anyone upset such a peaceful plot of land? Then, there is huge hole in the ground and it's filled with concrete. Not very pretty....but a foundation has been laid. Then day by day, you watch it take shape. The frame goes up, walls go up, it's enclosed. They add doors, windows, siding. The land is cleared out and new grass planted then begins to grow. Flowers and trees are added and before long, it's new and it's beautiful in a whole different way."
Thank you Friend for writing this to me. You are so right. So I think I'm past the uprooting part of building (most of it) and probably to the point where I am laying a foundation. You, of course, have an open invitation to watch the building process and visit my house when it is finished.