Saturday, April 7, 2007

It is NOT something you "get over"

"Get over it" - I HATE that phrase. I spoke with my Sister today. She's got some sort of horrible flu - sounded terrible. She had emailed Mom when she got home and had received a short email back - along the lines of "thanks for including me" and also asking "how was {my name} after I left?" Sister ignored her. But the next morning Mom caught Sister on IM and asked her again. So they talked and Mom commented on the one time that I had apparently yelled at my dog. Mom thought I was re-directing my anger at her at the dog. Sister said no - I was really mad at the dog.

Anyway, Sister remarked that I had done fine and acted fine but I had been upset to hear Mom talking to Toilet. Mom whined that "I thought I was doing so good. I tried to be good." and then said something about "When is she going to get better - over this - be able to handle things." Sister told her that while she considered herself "recovered" and having worked through things, she still would have been upset and unnerved at hearing his voice.

I notice Mom didn't say she was "sorry" - just the "I" statements again - all about pitying her. I can't understand why Mom can't get it through her head that I'll never "get over this." That no one "gets over it." Damn it, it makes me SO mad.


butterfly said...

no, it's not something to "get over".... I'm sorry. I, too, wish everyone else would just understand that... if they could just get THAT, things could be a bit easier... and I wouldn't care if they understood the rest... just that... I'm sorry.

jewellybeano said...

I'm glad you survived your mom's visit. It sounds like you did some real connecting with your sister too, which is awesome. I know how it feels to have things stirred up when family is around. I am sorry you had to do the pinning, but I so totally understand and have been there myself, not with pins, but other ways. Anyway, I just wanted you to know I read the last several posts and I think you should be proud of yourself.

Tina said...

In your mother's eyes, there is nothing that really went wrong...and that is the problem with why she can't understand why you can't just get over it.

As much as you will never get over it, she will never get it either. But, that does not reflect on you - it reflects on her and how she chooses to live her life. So, do not feel guilty about how you feel towards the situation and towards her. You have given her many chances to change, and she doesn't want to or think she needs to. You have to figure out a way to wipe your hands clean of her.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry that your mom doesn't understand. I'm sorry that your wounds are still so open and stinging. This part can get better. I am SO healed from my childhood abuse. The key to being set free is forgiveness. I know it sounds crazy to say forgive him, but this is really the road to healing.

Don't think that forgiving will make you forget what happened to you, it won't. Forgiving just makes it so it doesn't have power over you any more. In forgiving we release our right to revenge, anger, and put the justice in the hands of the Almighty. We hand it over to Him, and trust that on judgment day He will dish out the proper punishment for this person.

After we forgive we can use the memory of what happened to us for good. We can help other people who have suffered through the same things. We can help them to find the healing we have found. We can help prevent others from experiencing abuse. We can even share the love of God with abusers. His power is amazing.

We have to acknowledge that we live in a fallen world, and that we all have sin in our lives. No one man is better than another, the only perfect human was Jesus. If we are honest and look at the darkness we each have in our own souls, we will see that we are really no different than those who victimized us. This is why Christ came, without Him we'd all be doomed to the fires of hell.

I found healing in the love of Christ and in the forgiveness that I could only give through His power. I see you posted the lyrics of One Touch, and really when He touches us down deep like the song says, and we invite Him live in us, we become more like Him, and through His power that we can forgive. Live life daily in Him. Give it a try and see what a difference it will make in your life.

Good luck!