I need to cry but I can't. I leaked a few tears yesterday in the orthodontist's office but that was just because of the pain. I wanted to cry in the car driving to the store to get clothes, but I was driving so I couldn't. Wanted to cry in the shower at the YMCA but too many people around. I wanted to cry when J told me what the ob said in the written letter, which differed from what he had told me, but I couldn't (public place and all). Wanted to cry in Doc's office when he was telling me opposite of what others had told me, but I couldn't - not in front of him. So I let the anger take over. Wanted to cry in the car on the drive to pick up DD, but I was driving and then she was with me. Wanted to cry when I stopped by the coffee shop to get a smoothie for supper and DD kept wanting to share her cookie and I couldn't eat it. But it was a public place and DD was there. Wanted to cry at church, but couldn't - too many people. Wanted to cry at home when DH gave me a big hug, but DD was yelling from other room. By that time the tears had turned to anger and frustration. I planned to get in the shower and cry, but I cut instead. DH won't ask about that - but he would about the crying and I just had fought it back all day and was too tired to deal with things. So I took the easy way out. Cut, pain meds for the jaw and bed.
I want to cry today but I'm at work and can't. And I have a dinner tonight and a guest staying at my house tonight so no crying later. I want to just go home for a few hours and nap and cry - but the razors are there and that's not safe right now. So I'll just sit here at work and try to be productive instead.