Monday, April 9, 2007

Oozing Love ????? AAGGHH - Mom Vent

I was the dutiful (and proud) niece, daughter, granddaughter, friend, whatever, and sent out pictures of DD in her Easter dress. I got a "sure is cute" email from Mom. Very generic - very fine. Then my mom's sister - the one that she is closest too; shares confidences with; and I'm sure rants/raves about Sister & I with, sent me a note bragging about her newest grandbaby. The email was addressed to Sister and I, and COPIED to my mother. This is the line she included, "You both will know ONE FUTURE DAY what your Mom & I are feeling.....when we just OOOOOZE love for our grandkids......it's just friggin amazing." WHAT THE HELL?????????

"Ooze love" - where the hell was my mother's love when I was 12? It is taking every fiber of my being not to respond back to my aunt with a blasting email. I KNOW without a doubt that she knows what happened and what is going on. She needs to BACK the hell off. My mother doesn't ooze love for anyone but herself - never had and never will. What is "friggin amazing" (and what kind of aunt uses that language when talking (1) to her nieces and (2) about children) is that your sister (my mom) gets to see her grandkids at all. She doesn't ooze love for them. She spends her infrequent visits moaning about how tired she is, how hard it is for her to visit, how she misses them, how she doesn't see them often enough, how she is too "old" to run around with them. If she "oozed love" she'd visit more often - take an interest in them. Be a REAL grandparent.

So what? Mom's allowed to be a lousy mother to her children and then morph into "oozing love" for her grandkids? Sorry to tell you dear aunt, but I don't have to wait until "one future day" - I know what it is like NOW to ooze love for my child. To want to PROTECT her with every fiber of my being. To LOVE her more than myself. To CHOOSE HER over my selfish needs.

So until you have something profound to say, just shut the hell up and quit trying to get your digs in. You didn't do so hot in the mothering category either, you drunken crack head.
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After some time and much thought and prayers, as well as some reassurance from J, this is what I actually sent to my aunt in response -

Aunt ,
Thanks for sharing the stats about your new grandbaby. I'm sure he is adorable. Will look forward to new pictures
I don’t know about you and mom but I can’t imagine any more love for grandkids than I have for DD and my niece/nephews right now. From the moment I felt her flutter in my belly and especially the first moment she was placed in my arms, I knew I’d never be the same. They sure do grow up fast. Can’t believe DD was ever an infant, like [your grandbaby]. Had a great time with nephews & niece. My favorites were snuggle times before bed when we all read stories and said our prayers together. Especially when DD announced, "I have Jesus in my heart." Talk about oozing love - thought my heart would burst. Even Nephew#1 consented to hang out with us in the room. And I did get a big bear hug from him before he left. Mostly thought he is Uncle DH’s shadow. It is so much fun watching them interact. I hope someday we’ll have a son that will bond with DH like Nephew#1 does. Nephew#2 is into giving bone breaking hugs - not sure my lower body will ever the be the same! Niece prefers snuggling and reading - I can’t believe how well she reads for a kindergarten student. It’s amazing. Sister is doing such a fabulous job raising three kids and, even though she’ll always be my baby sister, I’m learning a lot watching her parenting style.
I can’t fathom ever having the capacity to love grandchildren any more than I love DD and Sister's kids. But if that is possible, I look forward to it........someday. Right now, my love tank is full and overflowing for my family. I think it is awesome how a mom can feel overwhelming softness and love for their little babies, while at the same time that she will turn into a fierce warrior ready to step in and kill anyone that messes with them.
Keep sending the pictures. DD is into the "posing" and "cheesy grin" stage, so really good pictures are hard to come by. But I’ll share when I can. Her dance recital is next month and I hope to get some good ones then.

3 comments:

Tina said...

Quite frankly, I think she needs a little bit of an eye-opener... But, it is not surprising where your mom gets her behaviour from, now is it?

I hope you can find a way to address her directly in a way that may not be mean but direct.

Enola said...

I haven't decided whether ot respond or just let it go. But I do think I'll leave the "drunken crack head" comment out if I do respond - LOL. That was just pure venting of anger on my part.

Anonymous said...

Hello, Enola. Your mom and aunt sound just like my mom, aunt(s) and even my grandmother (to a certain extent). We each have to find our own way and much applause to you as you do your best for you and yours.

I finally couldn't stand my family anymore. They are poison. Just being around them set off my triggers. I was so very miserable nearly all of the time. I cut most of them off flat. Especially my mother and brothers. I don't owe them jack. I guess some people think it's okay to torment someone and then expect that person to kiss their feet and keep coming back for more. THIS is what my family is about.

Dumping them did not make my problems magically disappear, but now I can deal with my baggage in relative peace and safety. I don't miss my family or the constant garbage and feelings of harrassment that came with them.