April is Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month. This site here talks about the staggering statistics of sexual assault, child sexual abuse and more http://realitytesting.wordpress.com/2007/04/23/speak-out/ . The writer also talks about her own abuse and how she told her mother, but her mother lived in denial. My mother did the same thing. I was given a choice - to go live with my father (whom Mom left for being physically abusive) or stay and be quiet. She did make my abuser (her then-boyfriend, later husband) get some "counseling" - about 2 sessions worth and he didn't lay a hand on me again, although the other inappropriate conduct continued.
My parents had a pretty nasty divorce. There were domestic violence reports, restraining orders, nasty phone calls, "mediation" sessions we had to attend, counseling sessions we kids had to go to, and even some talk about our speaking with a judge. If the abuse had come to light, my mom would have lost a lot. She would have lost custody, for sure. She would have lost her boyfriend, her monthly child support check, her lifestyle, and her dignity. She liked to wear the label of "mom" even if she did nothing to earn it. So in convincing me to stay quiet, she won the Fight.
The writer on the link (above), says, "My mother had a lot to lose, if the things that seemed to be happening to me were really happening to me. Ironically? It’s thirty years later now, and it seems she lost everything anyway…including every ounce of self-respect she might have ever possessed. Odd, how it worked out that way." It is the same for my mother.
My Mom may have won the Fight, but she lost the War. She is pitiful now. She has no self-respect. She lives with a husband that she can't take anywhere. At family gatherings and reunions, she has to make up excuses as to where he is (if we kids attend) or where we are (if he attends) because Sister & I refuse to go if he is there. Mom lives with an alcoholic who does little to support her financially, emotionally or in any way. They've lived like roommates, in separate ends of the house, for years. When Sister asked why she stayed, Mom said because "she's comfortable." Mom doesn't often get phone calls from Sister and I - we're concerned Toilet might answer the phone. She'll never get a phone call from her grandkids. Pictures of the kids are restricted - no naked baby shots ever get sent to her. She isn't allowed to be left alone with her grandkids. No babysitting for her. She gets to visit so infrequently that the younger grandkids don't even really know who she is, or care about seeing her.
Mom fought so hard to keep things "hush" because she was afraid of losing her family. Well, guess what mom - you did.