Friday, May 11, 2007

Jaw Surgery Update and Mom vent

Brief background - vicious TMJ started me on a road 2 1/2 years ago to fix my jaw. I started with approximately one year of wearing appliances in my mouth (like retainers). When that was done, I had a new type of jaw surgery where bone anchor screws, plates, bolts and pins were drilled into my upper jaw bone. Then springs were attached to a cemented appliance to pull my upper jaw bone into my head and rotate my jaw to the correct position. The retainer came out about 2 weeks ago (see prior post on that) and yesterday they removed all the screws, plates, bolts and pins. The only thing in my mouth now are some clear braces. YEAH!

I have not talked, in person, to my mom since her trip here for Easter. We email once in a long while and IM very infrequently. The day before my surgery she IM-ed me and wished me luck. I thought that was nice. So I took a deep breath, and for the first time in months, asked her "how are you?" Her response was "well I guess I'm okay." I just let it go and got off. Mom's days off are Wed - Thurs and surgery was yesterday (Thurs) but of course no offer to help. Yesterday, I asked my husband to call my Sister who was going to email my family to tell them how it all went. Mom never called here to check on me - but she did email back "Hi. Heard thru Sister that you got thru the surgery okay, and are sleeping now. So glad to hear every thing went okay. I was gonna call you later today, but guess I won't bother you. Hope to hear from you soon. Love and hugs, Mom" UGH. Last night I was online and she logged in and out of IM about 5 times but never contacted me. Now I have issues with IM sometimes booting me off, but she never does. So I think she just wanted me to know she was online, in hopes I would message her. Then this morning I emailed our church prayer group and update, and when I was online she logged in and out again and then finally IMed me. Asked how I was and then very quickly got off.

I try not to let her conduct bother me. I tell myself not to care. But it does hurt. I just want a real mom.

Luckily I do have some wonderful people in my life. A friend who I emailed about having the surgery sent me a message "Let me know when you want me to come pick up Daughter and give you a break." Co-workers sent me notes of encouragement and asked Husband to call with an update. When he did, they sent out an email to the office about my status. Another friend called to check on me yesterday and offered to come get Daughter. Still another friend stayed up late with me last night chatting on IM to get me through that last hour where the pain is coming back but I have to wait to take the next dose. This morning I sent updates to church and within 3 minutes had 4 notes of encouragement and 3 notes offering help. I really am blessed.

And now, I'm going to attempt a shower and lie back down. The doctor warned that the soreness and swelling would be worse the second day before improving and he was right. I look like a chipmunk. I think my stomach has tolerated all the meds it plans to on an empty stomach so I'm going to try to find some food as well. Thanks to all of you who have been so encouraging as well.


April_optimist said...

So glad you're done with most of the stuff for TMJ. And that you have wonderful friends who care and are offering help to you. As for your mother....says more about her insecurities and issues than anything about you! But it still hurts when our mothers aren't there for us.

Tina said...

I didn't realize you were having the surgery yesterday. :( Talk about being a bad supporter! Not that I could do much from Jersey.

Hope you are feeling well...and the pain subsides soon.

I am sorry you mom can't even attempt to be one right now for you... Like the PP said, it really does show her insecurities. It is a shame she can't let that go for a few minutes and support you.