Sunday, May 20, 2007

Look at All the Pretty Pills

If you enter my bathroom and look on my shelf (ignore the mess), you'll find a weekly pill sorter. Open it up and you'll see all sorts of pretty colored pills. There are the pink multi-vitamins, white lexapro, white zyrtec, cream herbal supplement, green trileptal, and brown vitamin. There are more than one of some colors. With my jaw stuff, there have been additional pills, like my yellow penicillin and white pain pills. Then also, the blue and white liquids I gargle with. During certain times of the month, you throw in some dark red iron pills and and auburn ibuprofen. then there are the (not so) occasional pink xanax and tan melatonin. All in all, you have a pill colored rainbow.

I have lots of pills for chilling out. Need to chill? Take a chill pill - literally, in my case. Today, it seemed like I was popping pills all the time. Perhaps because I was. Woke up and took my usual 4. Then got cramps so added in 3-4 ibuprofen. Then got a bit anxious about 7 pm so add in a green one. Come home and finish with my nightly ones. Few more ibuprofen. And because I can't sleep without a little help, how about another one.

For someone who used to be so against taking any kind of medicine.....well, I'm sure taking an awful lot of it. Part of me likes being able to just take a pill to solve my sleep, pain, anxiety. Part of me hates being dependent on meds. Part of me likes to see all the pretty bottles lined up in a row and just chug them all at once. Part of me wants to knock all those bottles over and throw every pill away.

Between the extremes is coping. Taking what I need when I need it. Trying to do what I can, when I can, to limit relying on the pills entirely. But acceping their help when necessary. I don't usually do so well with coping. But I'm trying.

2 comments:

Lynn said...

Trying your best is all you can do, Enola. I have faith that it is going to amount to something good in the longrun. I've been making connections and realizations lately faster than I can blog about them. One thing that has helped me an enormous amount is to sit back, think back and ask myself, "Self, are there any patterns here? When or where am I most anxious?" Some incredible insight has happened from doing that. It all counts toward healing.
{{{{{{{{Enola}}}}}}}}

Tina said...

I had the same thought - although it was not specifically about the colors of the pills, but the bottles! I remember a time when I only occasionally took Advil - now, I have bottles located in different spots depending upon when and where I have to take them (Levoxyl is located in the bathroom since it is my very first pill of the day on an empty stomach; Lexapro and Xanex are located in the kitchen since Lexapro needs to be taken on a full stomach at least one hour after the Levoxyl; Prenatals and Folgard are also located in the kitchen in a pill sorter because they have to come with me to take at lunch).

Ahh...we do what we need to do to stay sane, now don't we? It is okay, though. Consider the rainbow as temporary - you will be off all of them someday soon.