That is the sound of me THUNKing myself upside the head. I was up very late last night, tossing and turning in bed. Couldn't stop thinking and worrying. Regretted posting the blog entry last night because here I was telling everyone in the world (well, okay you few and faithful readers) about all these changes I was going to make. All of a sudden I didn't want to do it anymore. I wanted to crawl back under my rock and live life as I have been.
I went from neutral - staying where I am - to 100 miles an hour - geared up for change, over one simple comment. Went home and had this 1 hour conversation with DH and we decided to sell our house. What are we? Crazy? I know that I spend way too much time agonizing over decisions and looking at them from every angle. And that once I make a decision, I am in it 110%, full speed forward. But this is a bit much, even for me. AGH. Total stress.
Finally did fall asleep and woke up panicked. Decided to take action. Busyness always works. Rushed out of the house (partly to avoid cutting) and to work. Filled my day. Emailed a bunch of colleagues who are working moms asking for advice on managing work flexibility and motherhood. Called our realtor and told her we'd be ready in 2 weeks. (not sure she believes me, we've been here before). Started trying to do everything all at once, and flipping out about it all.
Then I opened a friend's message. This is what she wrote after her own T session -
Last week she taught me a way of dealing with the things that cause me stress. She had me close my eyes and picture a 'safe' place, and in that place, a box of whatever shape and size I wanted. She had me picture each of my stressors as words on slips of paper, and had me put them in the box. Then she had me lock the box and put it away where no one else would find it. She said I was only allowed to take one thing out of the box at a time. It has been helpful.
Wow. That was powerful. So I tried it. I am letting myself work on the house issue. That's it. Well, okay I did interview an asst today and make someone an offer (prayers that if she is the right person that she accepts). But personally, I'm dealing with house first. Then work. House - then work. House- then work. If I say that long enough maybe I'll ingrain it on my head. Course I could engrave it on my leg..........oops that was a bad, very sarcastic remark. But I'm getting better about letting it all out here - even the ugly part of me. So I'll try to leave it.