Sometimes people will email me and ask for an update on something I posted here awhile back, or just to say Hi. I figured it might be time to tie up some loose ends. Besides, I'm feeling apathetic today (how's that for a new emotion word!) and too tired to go off on some intellectual diatribe.
Jaw - done with all the surgeries. Just wearing clear braces up top now and will get bottom ones at some point. I had a bracket break loose this morning so I called and they worked me right in. I took my xanax in advance and headed over. I survived. Rewarded myself with a frappucino from Starbucks! I did ask about a mouthguard while I was there - I've been clenching my jaw really badly lately and don't need to aggravate the TMJ or undo all the work that has been done. Because my teeth are shifting with the braces, and because I have the braces on, I can't use the "snap to fit my teeth" kind of guard. So they gave me general sports-type mouth guard. It will prevent my from grinding my teeth or harming my teeth if I clench, but will not actually prevent me from clenching my mouth. So we'll have to see how that works. That is, if I can actually wear it. I tried it in and because it doesn't snap over my teeth tightly (like my old one did), it really feels bulky and triggers my overly sensitive gag reflex. I asked about the "boil to fit your teeth" type and they said no because my teeth need to be able to freely move and adjust. So we'll see how this works for now.
Work - I have a new assistant who is working out wonderfully. She is so on top of things. I'm getting much more done and am much more organized. I have to play catch-up still from where I got behind. I'm still having trouble working up enough energy to focus and really care about work. But it is getting a bit better.
Home - Husband is good. We still have our squabbles but we're plugging along. We decided (well he did) to do a Bible study together this summer. I got to pick the topic so I picked a devotional based on writings of CS Lewis. We've both been wanting to read some of his works, but find it a tough read. So we're going to tackle it together. Daughter is wonderful, of course. She is my reason to get up on those mornings when I just want to bury my head under the covers. Last night I didn't get home until she was in bed. I went in to pull the covers up and kiss her anyway. She woke up and seemed a bit dazed. Then she blinked and realized it was me. The biggest smile came over her face. She reached out, pulled me down for a hug, moved her head onto my lap and said "Mommy, hold me awhile." So I held her and stroked her hair and told her how much I loved her. Prayed over her and just sat there a bit. Those are the moments I treasure. Those are the moments that keep the bridge columns from winning.
SI, Abuse and other "Issues" - still plugging along. Snapping a rubber band works to keep the minor urges away -- although it was pointed out to me yesterday that it leaves big red welts on my wrist. Oops. I honestly hadn't realized. I'm going to have to watch that. Red welts, while they fade quickly, are more noticeable than the cuts on my legs which I hide with clothes. Holding ice seems to work too - especially putting it on my stomach and neck. I'm limiting the actually cutting to about once a week (and moving it to places hidden by summer clothes). And while my brain tells me to just do it already because it releases the tension so immediately and easily, so far I'm not listening, and am trying to fight the urges.
Faith - I am doing really well with having a quiet time. I bought this book that is real small. It has 1 paragraph readings that are written as if God is writing a letter to his daughters. He refers to His daughters as "princesses." There is a verse that goes with it. I've been taking that verse and reading it, along with the chapter it is contained in. Then trying to reflect on it. I still get SO easily distracted when praying. It's like my brain shuts down. Especially when I try to pray about serious (feeling-type) stuff. But I'm sticking with it. I still don't feel "connected" to God. And there are still serious trust issues. But as I'm reminded often, this is a process (albeit a long one).
Exercise and Health - Having a bit of trouble sleeping. Which makes for a long day. But on the other hand, it makes it easy to get up at the first sound of the alarm clock, rather than hitting snooze. I mean why not get up if you're already awake. So I've been getting to the gym earlier and having longer and harder workouts. I feel good after a hard workout. On the other hand, my eating habits are horrid and I've gained 15 lbs and am up 3 sizes. So I have one (and only one) pair of shorts (besides exercise elastic waistband shorts) that fit. Luckily they are somewhat long and a neutral navy color so I can wear them often. And fortunately capris are in and I have a few pairs of those that fit. However, the beach trip is one month away and it would be nice to wear shorts there.
So, that's it for the updates. In the immortal words of Porky Pig -- "That's all folks!"