Friday, June 1, 2007

Tired today - TGIF

I am tired today. I've gone to bed in decent time the last few nights but still tired. I was so sleepy at 11 last night that I thought for sure I could skip the xanax. I took the melatonin (natural stuff) and laid down. Fell asleep pretty quick - within about 15 minutes. Then woke up at 1:30 am wide awake and with a horrible headache. Took me about 5 minutes to realize my jaw was clenched so tightly I had to almost pry it open. Massaged my jaw a bit and then took a xanax and went back to bed. I think I'm going to have to get something that will keep me from doing that at night.

Husband is doing well, I think. He had his counseling session earlier this week. It's good and bad after he goes. He is always more helpful around the house (he's a huge help anyway) and with our daughter. But he also pushes more for me to talk about things. His standard phrase, "What else is new?" I try hard to open up somewhat and I've done better but he just doesn't get that there are some things I'm not going to talk about with him - or anyone really. He also tries to be more affectionate. I'm fine with hugs. I like hugs. But not grab me and squeeze the breath out of me hugs. Not come up behind me hugs. And NOT lying in bed, try to snuggle from behind, put your hand on my neck hugs. UGH - he knows that. Why does he do it? Then he gets mad when I jump or kick at him. He says his actions are automatic. Well, I think he should try harder. But if his actions are automatic, then so are my reactions - so get over the fact that I "reacted" to your grabbing by kicking and elbowing you this morning.

Daughter is great. We put up her pool last night and it was fun to see her get so much enjoyment out of playing in it. Husband is gone tonight playing golf with some church friends. So Daughter and I are having "girl time." I think we'll hang out in the backyard and just swim a bit and chill.

I'm jumpy today. Starting with my husband triggering me this morning. Then at the gym I got engrossed in a magazine and wasn't paying attention to who was around me or behind me. Another person came up and tapped me on the shoulder and said, "studying really important stuff there?" I know him fairly well and we usually say hi and joke back and forth. But it just startled me. I'm usually more aware of my surroundings and don't leave much opportunity to sneak up on me. I jumped and almost fell off my elliptical machine.

Still jumpy and edgy. Just need to make it through the work day.....although work is somewhat safer than being at home alone too.....

3 comments:

Marj aka Thriver said...

I'm curious about this Melatonin. the velarian and kava I've been taking don't seem to be helping me much lately and I'm losing a lot of sleep and back to bad nightmares. thinking of you.

jumpinginpuddles said...

Sounds like you have some things coming up for you that you may not be aware of yet

Enola said...

I got my melatonin at Walmart. I take 5 mg about 1/2 hour before bed. It is supposed to just relax you enough to sleep. So far it's not working great for me - but I know it works great for others. You might try it.