Thursday, June 14, 2007

Triggers, Triggers Everywhere

Having my daughter jump into my bed, startling me out of a sound sleep. Then realizing that the alarm must have already gone off, husband left, I re-set the alarm and went back to sleep - yet I remember none of it.

Looking at the calendar and realizing that the bloating, weepiness and light cramping means my favorite (insert eyeroll here) time of month is coming soon. Knowing that my fingernails which I finally stopped picking at and have finally grown just a little will have to be filed off.

Driving down the road and having daughter point out - Mommy look at that man's really long beard. The man in the ball cap.

Husband asking how workout went yesterday, thus reminding me that I left because the man across from me freaked me out, and I couldn't handle all the people walking behind me.

Remembering that I was so exhausted yesterday that I fell asleep in my office chair, soundly for 20 minutes, anyone could have come in and noticed, and my back was to the door too. I never sit with my back to the door unless I am on red alert.

Realizing that while I wrote down that I was taking a xanax this morning, I then got a phone call. Now I can't remember if I actually took it or not. So I will spend hours panicking over whether I took it, and not wanting to take another because 2 will surely knock me out.

Knowing that Father's Day is this Sunday. Five years ago on Father's Day my father came back into my life briefly, when he and his wife temporarily separated. He walked out again when they reconciled.

Realizing it is only Thursday and I have another full day of this crap before the weekend.

4 comments:

Pixie said...

you write very movingly about your terrors and anxiety enola.

I'd reach across the Atlantic and give you a hug if i could, even supposing you wanted one in the first place!

Instead of which I'll just -

[[[enola]]]

Lynn said...

I thought I was the only one who did the thing with the pills. No, can't just take another one!

Enola said...

Thanks Pixie. I can always use a hug !!

Lynn - doesn't it drive you bonkers?

jumpinginpuddles said...

we recognise some of those triggers and tiredness that come with overload