I am so tired. Despite getting 7-8 hours sleep Friday and Saturday night, and napping Saturday for about 45 minutes and Sunday for about 1 hour, I'm exhausted. I was so jumpy last night. I took a xanax about 9 and it calmed me down but didn't make me sleepy. I finally went into bed at midnight. Hubby was all over the bed. Wouldn't stay on his side. Kept tossing and turning. Kept touching me. At 2 am I went to the couch. Finally dozed a bit until Daughter woke up screaming at 5:30 am. Her nose "was bleeding" (which is what she claims any time she has a runny nose). I fixed her up and decided to just hit the gym.
I have been praying for a long time that Husband would step up to the plate and take more responsibility for our relationship and family. He's been attending this Bible study for seven years now and his knowledge of the Bible has increased tremendously. He is also much more secure and self-confident about his knowledge and speaking up. Even so far as to teach Sunday School. It's been a good change.
Around the house though, and in our relationship, he still refuses to step up to the plate. When he does, he goes way too far. He doesn't want to take responsibility for big decisions. Just wants to "exert his authority" over little things.
We had a big discussion about pine straw versus mulch for around the house. We both gave our points and he said "I'm going to make a decision as head of the household and we are using pine straw." I bit my tongue and said "okay." End result - pine straw in back yard. Front yard remains undone. And my daughter learned a new curse word when I walked from the back door to her pool and got a huge splinter of sharp pine straw in my foot.
Yesterday we had a disagreement about finances. Hubby mentioned that I probably should wait on buying a new bathing suit because money was tight until he got paid. Yet, he suggested we all drive 45 minutes to a hunting store for some "family time." He got huffy when I called him on the gas prices issue. So we did end going to the mall where I did find a suit (on sale no less). Later I mentioned going home and getting Daughter some supper and to bed. Hubby wants to debate for 15 minutes about whether we should eat at the food court in the mall or not. Now I wasn't hungry and didn't plan on eating so I didn't care. Was not participating in the discussion. So he argued with himself. And says, "well as head of household, I ought to set a good example and not be buying food all the time." (Direct dig on my coffee addiction and the fact that when I'm gone from the office all day, I do eat out). After changing his mind several times, he decides we can go eat at the food court.
I want to encourage Hubby to take more of a position in making decisions. To take some of the stress off of me. However, I need him to do it with important things - like making Daughter mind and not chase after me in the dressing room. Like enforcing the "I told you no books tonight" rule with Daughter, which actually requires him to go in and put her back in bed several times, rather than take the easy way out and just give in. To check for himself whether or not the second half of our vacation deposit is due or has been paid, instead of having me (who does not pay the bills) do it. To leave the file cabinet alone when I ask you too, knowing I am the one who gets tax stuff together and has it organized how I need it. And most of all, to respect my boundaries and keep your blasted feet on your side of the bed. And for the millionth time, do NOT come up behind me to snuggle. Because if you do it again, ...........I'm going to knock your head right off your household.