So on the drive to a barbecue, DH says "don't take this the wrong way but I have more fun when you are not here and it is just DD and me." WTF? My head reeled. Don't take this the wrong way? Like how the hell am I supposed to take that? After all I have done? WHY? Because when I am in, I get irritated when he leaves all day and I have to sit there by myself and do nothing in the 100 degree house? Because he actually has to do something with DD instead of just dump her on his mother and go play golf or hunt? Because every single time I plan anything with my friends, he rushes off with DD to his parents, because he can't possibly keep her occupied at home on his own?
So later, he says, "I feel torn." Torn? What? Torn between what? Between his parents and me? I told him that is because he will tell me "No" and argue with me, but he will never tell his parents "No" or take my side against them. He says "I can't." I told him to figure it out and he says he "doesn't know how."
What happened to leaving your parents and cleaving to spouse? And what the hell prompted this? I haven't had a fight with his parents - we hadn't been disagreeing. I've never fought with them. What the hell brought this on?
I really like my in-laws. I have always treated them with respect. I spent a whole week with them one summer helping out when MIL had foot surgery. I gave up holidays with my family (back when I still had a relationship with Mom/Toilet) when his aunt died on Christmas eve. I gave up a huge scrap convention when his aunt died. I spend every holiday here on the actual day and worked my family visits in between. Drove here after sunrise service on DD's first Easter because DH and his family were so upset at not seeing us and that we were missing the family meal. Make room readily for his family at DD's recital, choir performance and everything. Get doubles of every pic. I truly care about his family.
I do not know why DH feels torn between us. I get along fine with them. I have never made him choose. I have never told him not to visit or anything. We were not fighting or disagreeing when he made this comment. I have no idea why he said it. It just came out of the blue. Why is he doing this? Why am I not welcome or wanted? Why does DH feel he has to side with one over the other? Why does he feel like he has to agree with every thing his folks say or do? I feel like my heart has been torn out. Thrown down and trampled upon.....
Am I not good enough to hang out with his family? They are the "all-American country family?" I know I stand out and don't fit in. At a family-housewarming party for his cousin, someone walked in and said, "oh you all look so alike....oh, except for you (points at me)." I know I stick out. I didn't have the perfect childhood. I have divorced parents. I don't see most of my family. Once again, someone in my life that is supposed to love me and protect me, has chosen some other family member over me....What is wrong with me?