Husband and I talked again last night. He takes full responsibility for all our recent issues and promises to do better. We've been here before. I'm not sure I have the strength to do it again.
I need a new place to go. When I'm upset, I like to drive to this nearby park. It's just a little bench on a triangular strip of land about 2 blocks off a main street downtown. It's quiet though. And very few people there. In the center is a gazebo and lots of bushes and trees. I park on the side of the road in the shade of towering Leland cypress trees. When it's warm I roll the windows down and stretch across the seat of my car. In cooler weather I keep a blanket in my car so I can snuggle up and stay warm. I sometimes read. Often cry. It's my place to let loose.
It's been in the 100 degree range for weeks. Too hot to sit in the car. I could sit there and run the AC but I don't know how long it's okay to sit there and just let the car idle like that. I need somewhere else to go until it cools off and I can go back to the park. This is the time I wish I lived closer to work. So I could go home at lunch, have a good cry, and come back.