Wednesday, August 1, 2007

The Numb Place

I'm stuck in the Numb Place right now. I think I arrived yesterday. I used to live here all the time. Now I just visit. I haven't visited awhile. I think I had lost my way and have been struggling both to get here and avoid here. Now that I'm back, I wonder why I tried to hard to leave. It's comfortable here. Quiet. Very few intrusive thoughts. Peaceful. Except for the random twitching. I've had that for a few weeks now. It started when I switched medicines. It had gotten better but now it's picked back up again. Mostly it is my head that twitches, but sometimes my arms too. It's the only sign of anxiety that really breaks up the numbness.

The break is quite nice. I float around somewhat detached and observing everything from a safe distance. It's like watching the world with fuzzy colored glasses. I have times when a flash of emotion pops in. But it's been good so far. Like this morning, when my daughter came up and gave me a kiss and said "you're my mommy" to which the proper response is "always and forever" and then she says "I love you" and I respond "I love you too" and then we say together "always and forever." That's the type of emotion/feeling that I don't mind intruding into my Numb Place.

I'm not sure how long I'll be here. There is a Voice inside my head saying that I need to break free and get out. Another Voice tells me to get comfortable and that it's okay to be here. I guess I'll see what the next few days hold before I decide.


Beauty said...

Maybe this is where you need to be right now. Take a break from life, insulate your(selves) by retreating to your Numb Place.

I don't see anything wrong with that, as long as you don't take up permanent residence there!

jumpinginpuddles said...

you are the eseond person in two days to mention such a place, like you we alos used to live there a lot and lately have bene going back there but what you described said it far better than we could.

keepers said...

we all need a place to retreat to and regroup. we all face those times, just be glad you have that special place to go and gather yourselves and prepare for the next round!

peace and blessings