Thursday, August 2, 2007

Rambling Thoughts - Blah

(in no particular order)
- I'm tired. How can I be so tired? I have been in bed asleep by 9 pm the last two nights. Slept at least 9-10 hours each night. Over the weekend I got over 10 hours each night. What is wrong with me? I could fall asleep right now at my desk and I just finished a caffeinated soda and some chocolate. I have zero energy. Despite being in bed at 9 last night, I couldn't make myself get out of bed to go work out. My eyes are so heavy. They keep closing.
- So disconnected. Can't seem to attach to myself. Floaty feeling all the time. Keep tripping over things. My fingers feel like weird, floating attachments to my hands. I see them but can't seem to make them do what I want. I'm fading away.
- Nauseous all the time. Is it the stomach bug that is going around work? Or the summer cold causing drainage in my throat? Why is it that mornings and evenings are the worst?
- Dizzy - vision fades in and out. World won't stand still. If I try to stand still, I sway. Head keeps bobbing and twitching.
- Can't concentrate. "Come too" after several minutes of mindless mind wandering only to realize that I've been zoned out for several minutes.
- Memory - short term memory is fried. If it isn't written down, I can't remember if it really happened or not. I question everything.
- Snappy/No patience - I have no patience with anyone - clients, husband, daughter. It's like PMS only I know it's not time for that yet.
- Cold - I am SO cold. I am normally not the cold one. I am freezing. I've had my heater on all day.
- Twitchy - yesterday it was more my head. Today it's my leg. It jerks up and twitches. Fun times.
- I don't care - about anything. My house is a mess - don't care. My checkbook is 5 months behind on being balanced - don't care. Work isn't getting done - don't care. I just can't work up enough energy to care about anything right now. I haven't even been as chatty with online boards. Just can't keep track of all the names, details and everything. Makes my head hurt.
- Jaw - hurts. Gotta stop clenching my teeth. Going to undo all this jaw surgery and progress. I don't realize I've done it until my head starts hurting.

Numb - I miss being numb from yesterday. Still kind of numb. But more of a detached, unconnected feeling. Have sporadic bursts of things that break through - like a wonderful email from a stranger yesterday. And a crisis situation with an online friend. But then they are over, and I go back to blah. The rational, sensible side of me says this isn't normal and I should call the doctor or something - that maybe this new med adjustment isn't quite right. But to do that, I'd have to work up enough energy to care. And that's too much right now.


Jewellybeano said...

Call the doctor! Seriously. From a mental health nurse that knows the side effects of your meds.

Lynn said...

Yes, Enola, please call the doctor. The medicine is supposed to help, not mess you up.

Lynn said...

Sometimes when I can't muster up enough give-a-shit or scrape together enough brain cells to make a necessary arrangement, I get my husband to do it. Maybe yours would make a doctor appointment for you.