I Now Pronounce You Divorced

A little background - Beauty wrote a post about needing a divorce. I read it literally and offered my assistance. Then after some posts back and forth (and some caffeine on my part to wake myself up), I realized she was speaking metaphorically. So, for fun, I prepared a divorce decree for her. What started out as fun - and with some hope of offering Beauty some comfort and support, turned into a therapeutic exercise for me. Beauty shared her divorce decree here. Mine is listed below. Feel free to borrow the language and proclaim yourself Divorced. From what? That's for you to decide.

STATE OF FREEDOM DISTRICT COURT
COUNTY OF RELEASE FROM BONDAGE
FILE NO: 2007

ENOLA, Plaintiff v. TOILET'S POWER, MOM'S CONTROL, SHAME, BLAME, SELF-INJURY and SELF-LOATHING, Defendants.

JUDGMENT OF ABSOLUTE DIVORCE

THIS CAUSE came on for hearing before the undersigned Judge presiding over the October 25, 2007, Session of the County of Self-respect District Court, sitting in the State of Healing, on Plaintiff’s Motion for Judgment as to her claim for absolute divorce, alleging that the parties have lived separate and apart for more than one year. The Court makes the following,

FINDINGS OF FACT:

1. The Plaintiff is a citizen and resident of the County of Release from Bondage, State of Freedom, and has been a citizen and resident of said County and State for more than six months next preceding the institution of this action.

2. The Defendants are citizens and residents of Self-Proclaimed Hell in the State of Evil, and have been so for at least the past fifty years.

3. This is an action for divorce based on more than one year’s separation of the parties.

4. The parties hereto were joined together by Defendants’ actions and conduct beginning on or about 1985, and continuing until Plaintiff left the State of Evil where she was forced to live with Defendants. Since Plaintiff’s relocation to the State of Freedom, Plaintiff and Defendants have lived continuously separate and apart and have at no time resumed the relationship which formerly existed between them.


NOW THEREFORE, based upon the foregoing findings of fact, the Court concludes as a matter of law that:

1. The Court has jurisdiction over the parties and the subject matter herein.

2. The Plaintiff is entitled to an absolute divorce from the Defendants based upon more than one year’s separation of the parties.

NOW THEREFORE, based upon the foregoing findings of facts and conclusions of law, it is ORDERED, ADJUDGED and DECREED as follows:

1. The Plaintiff is granted an absolute divorce from the Defendants and all bonds heretofore existing between the Plaintiff and the Defendants are hereby dissolved. Plaintiff is further granted freedom from self-hatred and self-injury.

2. The Plaintiff is further granted the present of truth, the love of God, and the freedom
and liberty from captivity to the teachings of a false prophet. Plaintiff is granted eternal life in God's kingdom and the love of friends to walk through her remaining time on life here on earth with her.

This the day of October, 2007.


BY: ____________________________________
GOD