Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Get Over Yourself (and a general update)

I'm back from a trip to my sister's house. Thing went well except for a meltdown by my 4-year old toddler (is a 4 year old still a toddler or pre-schooler?) We're talking biting, hitting, head butting, etc. All to me. Because my husband was watching the Daytona 500 race. I totally lost it and spanked her harder than I ever had (didn't phase her) then threw her back down on the stairs where she was in time out. She cried that I hurt her. I ran upstairs, gave myself a time out, and cried too. My husband came upstairs, sees me crying (which I've probably only ever done less than handful of times since he's known me) and leaves. I was livid.

Then the next day, my husband is playing "boogie monster" (which is like hide-n-go-seek) with my niece, two nephews and daughter. My nephew takes a broom with him. He whacks my husband across the hand with it. My husband grabs him, spanks him three times, and goes upstairs, saying that the game is "over." My other nephew (big instigator) starts saying youngest nephew is hurt and has a "welt." Really it was just a red mark. My husband starts getting upset that he hurt my nephew.

I wanted to say to my husband

It is NOT all about you. Ugh. I assured him my sister was not mad, nephew was fine. Said all the things I would have wanted him to say to me the night before. He goes on and on and on and on. I finally told him to shut up.

Today we had a joint counseling session. I had emailed T about the issues we were having with discipline (before the incident with Nephew) and about one other issue. So we get in there and Husband immediately says "we're having issues with discipline" and starts in, with agonizing detail about what he did to Nephew. This goes on for awhile. I finally said "I don't care about Nephew." This is about OUR DAUGHTER. In other words This is NOT all about you. If he has issues about himself, then go see your counselor. This is about US and OUR issues with US and OUR family. Not you.

We did finally get to that. And interestingly, did not have time to discuss the real issue that Husband did not want to discuss. Hmm.... cause he didn't want the spotlight on himself there. And maybe that was deliberate. But that is for another day.

(confession time - I saw my nephew take the broom. I said to my sister, "I hope Hubby jumps out to scare Nephew and Nephew whacks him upside the head." We laughed. Oops).

General update -
  • I love dramamine - not only is it a cure-all for morning sickness, it knocks me flat. I'm talking unable to hear the sound of screaming toddlers flat. I love it.
  • My child has finally, after 1 hour and 13 minutes, stopped screaming "I want you," "I want to sleep with you," and "I don't like the dark." (she has a nightlight on). Ahh. Willpower. Hoping she can turn that energy into good use someday. Getting back into a routine stinks.
  • I skipped work today. I slept from 10 pm when I stopped driving and let Husband take over, until 1:30 am when we got home. Went back to sleep and woke up at 8 am this morning. Still skipped work :) Took Daughter to daycare, came home, cleaned the house spotless, did laundry, went grocery shopping, to counseling, came home and cooked a homecooked meal. Then told Husband that if we won the lottery, he could come home to a house and a meal like this everyday.
  • Husband was appreciative of the house and meal. He remarked about how glad he was not to have to worry about getting everything done before we go to his parents for his last hunting trip of the season. Ha. I told him he "owed me 3 hours" (take that you "tit for tat" being) and could pay me back by sanding, stripping and painting the bathroom. I'm determined that he will not slack off on these home improvements. He promised to get them done in decent time when I agreed to buy this house.
  • Tomorrow it is back to work and hopefully to the gym in the morning. Lost more weight at my sisters - not sure how that happened. I ate quite liberally, and even found a new love for Dove chocolate truffles.
  • My mother finally caught Sister and I online when we were at her house. She was surprised I was there. Forgot (or maybe she didn't know) I was going. Ha - now you're out of the loop too mom.

(and Yes, I'm a bit irritable and in a "take that" mood these days).


Angel said...

That "decent time" may have a completely different meaning for him. To circumvent further misunderstanding, you may have to put it down on paper what household jobs you are wanting finished and then discuss the deadlines with him. That way he feels like he has some input and isn't being told what to do, because that will make him rebel, of course. Yes, they are like another child sometimes.

Very interesting how he went on and on about nephew so that "somehow" you never got around to the other topic, the one he didn't want to discuss. Did you manage to discuss the discipline issue re your daughter at all? Or are you the usual recipient of her anger because he is unavailable? (So that nephew is the only person he could have discussed re discipline because he doesn't/can't discipline your daughter?)

Tink said...

I'm glad you had a good visit with your sister. I'm surprised DH didn't say anything about you crying. It's tough to know what kind of discipline to take with DD. I am having a hard time figuring that out on my end with DS. It sucks that it's not a one size fits all kind of thing. I listen to what other parents do, and try to apply that, but it doesn't work for every kid.

DS doesn't listen to me for the time outs. I usually have to end up putting him in his crib for a few mins. He'll scream and holler, but when I go back in he will calm down really fast and say "No hit doggie" or whatever else fits for why he's in his crib. The hard part for me is stopping what I'm doing and make sure I continue to follow through on my threat. It's a pain, but if I don't act on this now, I'm afraid I will have no control in a matter of months.

The other day he bit me when we were at the library. For no reason. It was on my inner thigh. It hurt so bad, and I didn't see it coming. I picked him up so fast, yelled so loud and smack his behind. I got a lot of stares, but he got the message right away that biting me was a huge NO NO!

Anyway, not sure my comment will help, just wanted you to know that we are all going through the discipline thing!

prochaskas said...

"Take that" can be powerful stuff. May it guide you in good directions and provoke others to take note of you as a real person.

austin said...

It sounds to me like the visit had good and bad. The stress of pregnancy is a lot to deal with but add in the other issues going on and you've got yourself a volatile "take that" mood. Very, very understandable.


Anonymous said...

We all need a "take that" mood from time to time. Very empowering. Glad you had some time with your sis, even if you had to tell with your hubby's nonsense.