I am not a whiner. It was against the "rules" to be sick, whine or otherwise down in the dumps at my house. First, it allowed you to be taken advantage of. It allowed Toilet to try to minister to you. Second, you couldn't show weakness. When you're sick, there is nothing you want more than to lie around in your pajamas - couldn't do that in my house. Had to at the very least, wear pants or shorts, a top, a bra and socks. Third, sickness equaled money. You could never be sick enough to require medical treatment or any other money expenses.
I consider sickness to be a weakness. It means vulnerability. So while I might mention a detail of a pain or sickness, I'll not let on how bad it really is. Same with my mental health.
Last doctor appt, the doc asked how often I would have taken xanax if I hadn't been pregnant. I gave an honest answer. My husband later asked me why I hadn't told him it was that bad. He was upset that I didn't tell him - he said he would have cancelled his hunting trip if he had known.
This weekend my husband got a sense of how bad the morning sickness is. During the week, I'm at work most days and in the evenings am super busy. He was upset that I hadn't told him. It's not that I lied about it. I just didn't complain about it. He wanted to call the doctor, but I convinced him it is okay to wait until our regular appointment this week. I'm also hoping to actually gain back some of the weight I lost so it won't look TOO bad (there I go minimizing again).
People ask how I am, and the worst I'll admit is "I'm okay." I figure they really don't want to hear me whine. Surely no one really wants the details.
If I were to admit how I REALLY was doing, I'd have to say that I'm nauseous 90% of the time; gagging 50% of the day; actually getting sick 5% of the day; aches and pains 50% of the day; lightheaded/dizzy 75% of the day; tired and rundown 75% of the day; generally apathetic 95% of the day; wanting to crawl under the covers and sleep forever 90% of the day; having vicious mood swings 85% of the day; down in the dumps 55% of the day; thinking of sharp objects 15% of the day; deep breathing 10% of the day; anxious/panicky 25% of the day; crying or trying not too 25% of the day.
So that's it in a nutshell. But ask me to my face and I'll say I'm okay. My husband says I need to whine more. To let him know how I'm REALLY doing. So he can help. Or just listen -- he's s...l...o...w...l...y learning that I sometimes just want a good listener, not a problem solved. So I guess I'll try. It's totally unlike my character. But it would be good to shed some of these problems and let him bear some of the burdens. I did 'fess up to how bad the house repairs (or lack thereof) was stressing me out. And lo and behold he spent most of the day working on one.