Wednesday, September 10, 2008

A Makeover, of sorts

With ten days until my due date and no sign of impending labor yet, I've had a lot of time for reflection. My blood pressure is a bit high so I'm supposed to take it easy. I've cancelled all my court appearances and am seeing limited clients. I come in late, take long lunches, and leave early. Today I strolled in about 8:30 am, after a run to Starbucks. Those holiday pumpkin lattes are YUMMY! I left for lunch at noon, went home and ate, then napped on the couch. It was a good nap too - until the thunder shook the house and woke me up with a start. Now I'm back at the office for about 2 hours before going to pick up my daughter and head to Church.

With all my free time to think, I've reflected a lot about the road I've travelled over the past four years. My first pregnancy was a dream come true. I had no complications. I felt really good, even up until the end. I had no trouble keeping up with my work even when I was overdue. I continued to go to the gym and take an aerobics class, up through the week past my due date. I gained well over 60 pounds but didn't stress about it. I had no fears of having a panic attack during labor. I didn't worry about having a male doctor. I was on top of things and good to go.

This time has been different. A more complicated pregnancy. No working out at all. I'm in the worst shape of my life. I'm stressing over the 35 pounds I've gained (although with the extra weight I started with, I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life). I worry about anxiety attacks during labor. I'm exhausted too.

However, despite things being tough, I'm handling them pretty good. I am allowing myself to cut back at work, and even doing so without feeling guilty. I asked for a continuance from a court appearance without feeling the need to invent some excuse. I just told them I was not up to coming. And not one person said anything negative. My numbers at work are actually really good. My house is a mess and I don't care. There are several things on my "to do" list that will not get done, and I'm okay with that. I have no idea of the plan for after baby gets here as far as my in-laws and people helping, but I'm okay with that too.

I don't know where my former-uptight-can't relax-self went, but she can stay gone. I'm kind of liking this new creation.

8 comments:

keepers said...

congrats on being able to kick back and relax and not worry, that has got to help a lot! some things we have control over, some we do not, such is life and we shall survive!

peace and blessings

keepers

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Enola, I join you is saying farewell to your former-uptight-can't relax-self.

Tamara said...

Good for you that you are more relaxed. It is a much better way to be, huh???

April_optimist said...

I am so glad you are taking care of YOU. This is a time when that's really important. Here's hoping the delivery goes smoothly and you recover quickly and can enjoy your new baby.

NK said...

Yay! I'm glad you are able to relax a bit and take care of yourself - your baby will thank you :)

Do you have a list of things to do/resources for when you have panic attacks? If you do, start thinking about them or implementing them right now and keep reassuring yourself that this is not the past. It is the present moment, the doctor is not there to hurt you, he is only there to ensure you have a healthy delivery.

Best wishes!

Marj aka Thriver said...

I'm glad you're slowing down and practicing some really good self-care.

Thinking of you and baby, MIA Marj!

Strong and determined said...

Good for you for slowing down and taking time for yourself. :) AND for letting go of your former-uptight-can't relax self. If you respect yourself and take time for YOU, everything else will fall into place.

Best wishes for a great birth experience!

Kahless said...

I see the baby on the widget is now upside down and ready....