WAS - I love that verb tense.
Today marks my one year anniversary of being SI free. I last cut on September 16, 2007. It wasn't easy stopping. There were bumps along the road. It took 47 days to throw away all my "tools." That was the real turning point. That is when I realized that ~I~ was in control and not my self-injury.
I've had temptations. On one occasion I know I would have cut if I'd have had a razor blade in the house (other than a disposable one which I tried unsuccessfully to take apart). Another day I tried - but the paint scraper razor blade was too dull.
I do have safety pins in my house now. That came about 1 month ago when I purchased some used baby clothes at a consignment sale and the sales price was safety pinned to the garment. I thought about whether it was safe to keep those in the house and decided it was okay.
I think the turning point came when I realized that the only thing I was doing was inflicting more harm and hurt on myself, rather than helping myself heal. SI worked in the moment, but long-term it just made the pain worse. Instead of moving forward I was pulling myself backward.
I will probably always struggle with urges but I hope that they will fade with time. For today though, I'm celebrating.