Nothing like having a second child to teach me to lean. Throw in Baby getting sick and I'm approaching major lean status.
When I first felt Baby and realized he had a fever, I kicked into "handle it" mode. I called the doctor, packed the bag and off we went. Husband cursed the whole way there. I was the calm one - the rational one. I checked us in and filled out paperwork.
The doctor made a comment that if a baby's temp exceeded 100.4 then they went into the hospital. Baby's was 100.1 when we checked at home. When the initial exam came back clear, the doctor wanted to take blood to get some information. Two nurses came in. I was calm - expecting a heel prick like before. I can handle those. Nope....they were drawing blood from his arm.
Lean 1 - if I had been the only one there, I would have done it. But Husband was there. And he doesn't get light-headed at the sight of blood. So I backed up and let him hold Baby's arms while they took blood. Baby screamed. I sat down and did some deep breathing.
Lean 2 - nurse comes in and wants a rectal temp. She announces 101.4. I say to Husband, "we're off to the hospital, you know." The doctor comes in and confirms my thoughts. I launch into "Efficiency Enola Mode." I call our back-up person to pick up Daughter. I call daycare to tell them Daughter is being picked up by someone else. I call Church to put Baby on prayer list and let our pastor know what is going on. Husband then says, "you don't have to f---ing call everyone. Hang up the d--- phone." I tell him I just wanted prayer. Then I burst into tears. At which point, he apologizes and cries too. We lean on each other.
Lean 3 - On the drive to the hospital, I text a friend. We get to the hospital and the nurse is getting us settled. She says someone needs to go down to registration and give them information. Normally that is my job. But Husband goes right down. I am left there with Baby. Doctor comes in and tells us everything they will do and that it will be 2-3 hours before we know anything. He also explains that we are there through Thursday at least. I launch back into Efficiency Mode and make a list of what I need Husband to bring me from home. He leaves and the nurse comes in to take Baby for the spinal tap. She doesn't invite me to go and frankly I don't think I could have handled it.
I ...am...all...alone. I burst into tears and "beep" I get a text back from my friend. I call her. She immediately says she is coming.
Lean 4 - Friend shows up, with coffee, and a hug. My pastor also calls and says he'll be there soon. Friend sits and talks with me. Keeps me occupied. Exactly what I needed. Then the nurse comes in to do the x-ray of Baby - this I am to go along for.
Lean 5+ - church members who offer to help in so many ways; another friend who flies in and helps in countless ways; friends, family and bloggers who email support.
I didn't have panic about leaning. I didn't have panic about being out of control. I was anxious and upset about my son. But it did not go into full fledged panic. I cried and was distraught over the pain my son was in. When he cried in pain, I cried too. I got overwhelmed by all the information the doctor was throwing out. But I hung in there. Because I had too and because I could. It is nice to know I could.