Do any of you have friends that are only friends when you are needy? I have someone like that. This person needs me to need her. When I am needing advice, needing to vent or needing support, she is right there. When I was needier, I would hear from her every single day by email, IM or phone. Not anymore though.
I'm not dealing with daily panic attacks or flashbacks. I'm not requiring three to four types of medication every day. I'm not dealing with medication changes daily. I'm not in therapy at the moment. I am still dealing with the abuse (suspect I always will be) but it's not horrible. I'm not a clingy mess at the moment.
I've not met this friend. We connected on an abuse online forum. She is still dealing with the abuse on a more daily basis. She is where I was almost two years ago. I am still wanting to communicate with her. If I can help her walk through the process, then that is wonderful. I have tried very hard to not offer platitudes or act superior in any way. I think I'm doing pretty well. For many weeks I thought the problem was me. That I was in someway acting not interested. That perhaps I was acting better than her because I had made it through. That I wasn't being supportive when she has a set-back. Finally, after much thought I realized that it wasn't that at all.
The real problem is I'm not needy. It's not that I don't need her - I do. I value her input in my life. I ask her opinion. However, my entire focus is not the abuse. My problems are not all abuse-related. I try to talk about mommy issues, going back to work, and other things. She doesn't seem interested, though.
I'm not sure whether to raise this issue or let it go. I know that some people are friends in your life for just a short time period. Some people come into your life for a specific purpose or event. I find it hard to let go though.
I suspect this person needs me to be in need. She needs me to be needy. She doesn't want me to heal. Maybe she fears that if I heal, I'll forget about her?
Has anyone else lost a friend through healing?