Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Stop Feeling that Way

You should be sad.

Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about.

Watch that temper girlie!

Quit being so mad.

Cheer up, it's not that bad.

Get over it already.

You shouldn't feel _______.

That's nothing to worry about. You worry about the stupidest things.

There are kids without food, water, shelter, and you're worrying about THAT? What are you, stupid?

Only stupid people feel like that.

Just make a decision already.

You better not be mad. You have no right to be mad.

You have no right to feel that way.

You can too make yourself feel ____. It's all in your head. Just do it already.

These are a few of the voices running through my head. Things I've heard all my life. This is why I dislike making decisions. This is why feelings are such a sticky topic with me. I'm so tired of people telling me how to feel. Even well-meaning people like my husband who tell me to "quit worrying and being so anxious." Or the "God is in control" platitude. Yes, I know God is in control - doesn't mean I won't worry or lose sleep.

It's taken me many years to learn how to feel and not be numb. But situations like this are difficult because the feelings get overwhelming and it's a balancing act - shut down and go numb to protect myself, or let them get out of control and risk panic attacks. I'm walking that tightrope again....


lawyerchik said...


That's all.

Oh, and I'm here if you need me.

Joy said...

Ditto lawyerchick.


"You feel what you feel and whatever you are feeling is okay." That's what I am trying to instill in my girls (14 and 11) and boys (19, 18, 4 and 1). Okay, and me. ;)


mssc54 said...

I'm lucky... my dad only beat me. I healed pretty good. I think.

Wisdom/discernment prayers for you.

Angel said...

Ditto, (((Hugs))).

Your feelings are, there isn't any right or wrong. I tell myself that a lot.

prochaskas said...

As my therapist used to say all the time, feelings have no moral value. What you do with / about them sometimes does... but by all means, feel those feelings and let them be what they are. They're not you -- they don't sum you up -- but they give you valuable information.

Rising Rainbow said...

It never works when other people tell us how to feel. Learning how to know what we feel ourselves can sure be difficult though, when we've been barraged by others telling us what we are supposed to feel.

I'm sorry that you're having a difficult time right now. Listen to that little voice inside, that's the one that really counts.....oh, and please, remember to breathe. I don't know what it is about stress that stops breathing but it sure does. Remembering to keep it regular can help a lot.

Ethereal Highway said...

You feel whatever way it is that you feel. I know what you mean about hearing those things all of your life. The thing that really gets me is that we do learn to shut down to stop feeling all of those things we're not 'supposed' to feel. And then we often get criticised for that, too. I guess that's how I reached the place where I can honestly say that I don't care one wit anymore what anyone thinks about how I feel or don't feel. There's just no pleasing people, so I don't try to.

Enola said...

Mssc - I wouldn't call that lucky.

RR - breathing, yes that is good. Thanks for the reminder.

Lynn - I want to get to that point - where I don't care what people think

Kahless said...

I wanted to add to the list (sarcastically of course)

Bloody parents.

April_optimist said...

There is always a good reason for how we feel.

Marj aka Thriver said...

I like the little "feelings abc's" chart. That's cool. Yep. When I got the list of feelings down at the Ross program a couple of years ago I didn't even know some of those things were feelings! That's how disconnected I was from them. But, over the last two years I've really been getting into...getting into my body and my feelings. It's not always easy, but I'm glad we're both doing it! You go, girl!