Let me be perfectly clear - I value comments, even ones I don't agree with. On the other hand, I am not trying to be objective here. I write for ME. I spent a lot of years not having feelings - suppressing them and denying them. When I first started acknowledging them, I'll admit my husband took the brunt of my anger. He was safe (is safe). I know without a doubt he'd never strike out in anger or retaliation. I can say that I've gotten better - much, much better - at expressing myself. This blog is now a place where I get in tune with my emotions and vent. I'm not trying to present both sides. I'm just venting. Call it my anger work, if you will.
Husband did make some of the comments referenced in my last post for real. (some of my comments were said out loud - others were kept in my head). He was clueless about how things worked around here. He would ask permission to do things - like bathe our daughter. He would really ask if Daughter needed a coat when it was 20 degrees out. Instead of just stopping and thinking about it a moment. He could not (well, would not is a better way of saying it) make any decisions. I was in charge of everything. Part of that was my fault. I'm a control freak. He grew up being babied by his folks. For awhile we matched well together. I was the controlling one. He was the puppy dog that followed me around and did what I said. We were both miserable.
In counseling I learned to let go. To not have an answer for everything. "I don't know" was a constant refrain. Husband would say, "Do we have pintos?" and I'd say "I don't know." Husband would say, "Does Daughter need a coat?" I'd say, "I don't know, what do you think?"
Husband got some counseling of his own. Also as I let things go, he inevitably had to pick up some of the slack. But the questions continued - I guess out of habit. Rather than roll my eyes and sigh (have to confess I used to do a lot of that), I started making a joke about it.
Anyway, we love the "Here's Your Sign" skit and will say that to one another. I can be very sarcastic and so I will sometimes (okay a lot) spout off a sarcastic comment. Husband on the other hand, makes a joke. He's a real jokester.
Husband knows I hate when he jokes or laughs at me when I'm mad. And I know he hates when I am sarcastic when he is mad. I try not too. Sometimes I do mess up and he'll tell me to "stop being a smart ass."
I told my husband about the post I wrote and some of the comments. He wanted to know why I didn't write about any of the stupid things I said/did :) I told him he was welcome to start his own blog.........
I did ask my Husband if he thought I was passive aggressive. Frankly I laughed at that. My mother is passive aggressive, and I shudder at the thought of being anything like her, so I'm darn sure I'm not. My husband laughed too. He said, "heck no you're not passive aggressive. You'll just say it like it is. You're not afraid to speak your mind., that's for sure." Not sure if that was a compliment or not?
Laurie/Casey - I am sorry that you were triggered. I assure you that I'm not the Silent - or violent - type. My abuser was one to ridicule everything I did. I definitely know the difference between humorous sarcasm and meanness. My husband jokes back and is sarcastic just as much as me. Of course I'm not going to write about all the stupid things I do !!
And now, since Husband just asked me if the laundry was done as the big hamper full of clean dry laundry is sitting right here, I'm going to go give him his sign (that's a joke if anyone missed it).