Thursday, February 26, 2009

Here's Your Sign

"Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That
way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything.

It would be like, "Excuse me...oops...never mind, didn't see your sign."

These are true conversations at my house. I am going to start passing out signs….

Husband, as he peers into the cabinet, “ Are we out of pinto beans?”
Me - "First, I don’t eat the blasted things. If you ate the last of them, and did not put it on the grocery list, then yes we are out. Second, Look in the cupboard that is right in front of your face."
Husband – But I don’t see any.
Me – then I guess we might be out of them

Daughter - Mommy why can’t I stay home today.
Me - Because Mommy and Daddy have to work
Daughter - Why
Me - To earn money to pay the bills
Daughter - Can’t you just print out some money on your computer?
Me - Gee, why didn’t I think of that?
Husband - you can do that?

Husband - Do you want me to change the baby?
Me - Does he need it?
Husband - Well he drooled on his outfit and his diaper is wet.
Me - Then change it already, unless that is over your head.

Husband - What is for dinner?
Me - I don’t know – (thinking to myself - am I the menu planner). How about --- I list suggestions
Husband - None of that sounds good
Me - Well what do you want?
Husband - I don’t know
Husband - how about picking something up
Me - Okay what do you want?
Husband - I don’t know
Me - How about [suggestions]
Husband - Nah – I was thinking of [place]
Me - Grrrr (thinking - why didn’t you just suggest that in the first place)

Husband comes up to me while I’m standing in the bathroom putting toothpaste on my toothbrush – what cha’ doing?
Me – gee I don’t know – thought I’d rub this here brush against your head and see if I could scrub some sense into you.

At 6 am – alarm goes off – I curse. I say “gosh I’m tired”
Husband to me –“ Ahh I slept good, how about you?”
Me – did you not hear the baby get up 4x last night?
Husband – oh no. Guess I was sleeping? So, did you sleep good?
Me – what part of FOUR TIMES did you not understand?

I walk in the door with the kids
Husband – did you pick up the kids today?
Me – nope and I don’t know who these two brats are that followed me home.

Dog comes running up the stairs and in the door with me.
Husband – “oh did you let the dog in?”
Me – “Nope, she must have learned how to unlock and open the door by herself”

I tell Husband good night, put jammies on, crawl into bed and turn out the lights.
Husband comes in bedroom, “Oh are you going to sleep?”
Me – “Nope, thought I’d just sit here in the dark with my eyes closed.”

Husband is taking kids to daycare. He tells me to be sure to start the car early because it is only 20 degrees out.
Husband – “Do you think Daughter needs a coat today?”
Me – “Nah, just start her up early and she can warm herself up”
Husband – “what?”
Me – “Didn’t you just tell me it was 20 degrees out?”
Husband – “yeah”
Me – “Yes she needs a coat”
Husband – “what about gloves and a hat”
Me – “this is why people say there should be a test to become a parent.”


cornnut32 said...

hahaha! aren't husbands the best? (albeit frustrating as hell?) i think mine needs a sign sometimes, too.

Janey said...

Yep, we have conversations very like all of the above in our house too. LOL.

Hi by the way. I read your blog lots but don't comment. Take care. x

lawyerchik said...

Thank you, Enola, for the funniest stuff I've read all day! :)

austin said...

I understand frustrations and feeling overwhelmed as well as feeling angry at not getting help around the house (boy do I understand that) but I have to disagree with the others. This isn't funny.

If someone said these things to me I'd feel degraded. I'd feel stupid. I'd watch my every move and ask questions before I did anything to make sure I did exactly what the person wanted me to do so as not to hear more comments such as this. Perhaps this why he asks "stupid questions" he's afraid of harsh words when he gets it wrong.

I understand the frustration but not the aggression.

What came out of the toothpaste conversation? Did he feel empowered to be the husband you need him to be or did he feel angered and stressed? Perhaps the comments were warranted in a way but was it productive?

What of the coat and gloves conversation? Had he put on the wrong coat or the wrong hat and gloves you would have written a post about how stupid he is and how he doesn't get anything right. I read them all the time. I read about how he missed a detail or how he wasn't as orderly as you would have been so you had to go in an clean up his mess (ie the school dance where he took photos of them messing around instead of photos you would have taken). And example of what I'm talking about is in the entry where he went to a parent teacher conference without you. In that entry you set him up to fail.

He can be irritating and he does stuff that others do but maybe you should consider that your attitude towards him is an issues. The way you talk to him is an issue.

If he thinks he cant do anything right then he'll mess up. I do it myself. The first mistake I make means I'll make a hundred more. If there is no one there to help build me up then a hundred more will follow. If there's someone there to tear me down with words a thousand more mistakes will follow...along with watching my every step and asking questions that seem obvious.

Frustration and annoyance is one thing, tearing down your partner with sarcasm is yet another.


Anonymous said...


Casey said...

At first all I could muster up was a sigh...but then I went further and read Austins response.

Thank heaven for people like Austin, who value friendships, but at the same time speaks truth to power.

I was left feeling the agression to Enola.

I grew up with a dad who criticized and ridiculed everything I said. I can remember the struggle for words...the right order to evade that. It served to anger me...and I ended up with a deep and abiding resentment toward my father. One that lasted even unto his death.

I sometimes am confused as to what it is you really want from him. Passive aggressiveness is very unattractive...and its violent in its own way.


dm said...

those reminded me of one of our favorite movies around here- "Trapped in Paradise"...simpleton is bagging groceries and asks the store owner..."Do you want me to bag ALL of this ?" to which the owner replies.."all of that you are not emotionally attached to."

Ethereal Highway said...

From reading this blog for a long time, and knowing what it is like to have a husband, children, and a lot of responsibility... I can totally understand where these conversations originate. Sometimes, when someone gets little or no respect for a very long time, even in dire circumstances -- they don't have the energy to give any away anymore. Especially to a person who doesn't take them seriously. I totally get you here, Enola. And I DO understand the agression. It seems to me that you tried everything else first. When whispering doesn't work, people speak. When speaking doesn't work, they speak louder. When that doesn't work, they generally shout (get aggressive). It doesn't seem to me that you are the passive-aggresive party in your relationship.

Enola said...

I started to write a really long comment but think it's better as a blog post itself.

Enola said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Enola said...

Anonymous - if you have something to say, feel free to say it. Just sighing is a form of passive aggressiveness in and of itself, don't you think?

wolfbaby said...

wow i didn't expect a funny post like this to warrent some of the contraversy it did. it appears as husband and wife ya'll have figured each other out enough to have fun instead of fights and I think that is great!! and situations like that certainly could start fights. all that matters is you guys know and love each other and understand each other.

thought the convo's were funny as all get out;)

Casey said... was me who sighed. No..sighing in that way is not passive aggressive. It indicated that I was at a loss for words at the moment.

I can see that some saw humour in makes sense that they would. A couple days away from the post, and I can see that you were attempting to be funny.

You and I both know that we are often triggered by what someone posts...and I meant no and I mean no...disrespect to you. I find you thoughtful and loving...especially toward your kids.

I also was the one who sighed. It certainly was not passive aggressive. What it indicated, was that I was at a total loss for words. Austin gave me courage to say what was on my mind.

Thank you Enola for acknowledging the trigger...and I hope you will forgive any percieved rudeness on my part.

@Janey....why would you assume I was just taking things too " seriously" You dont know me or anything about me. That was ruder than anything I said.

Again Enola...I am sorry if speaking my mind hurt was not my intention. I value you.