It is 2 am and I'm wide awake. Having passed out for 4 hours this morning and napped another 2 hours in the afternoon, I'm not sleepy. Figured I'd watch a bit of lifetime television and blog.
This morning I "came to" about 11:30. It was not a normal awakening after sleeping. This was a total unconsciousness. The kind that comes from pain and drugs. I remained unconscious through the garbage truck and recycling truck - both of which my dog would have barked at. Also through a phone call. That worried me. I don't like being that out of it. I felt really odd when I realized it was so late.
When I take the meds, I feel fine. A bit run-down, but otherwise okay. Well, aside from seeing 5 heads on people and being unsteady on my feet. Each time I take them, without fail, I think this is the dose that is going to be the last. I hope that the meds will wear off and I'll find the pain is gone. But each time the pain returns, not slowly, but intensely.
I had requested some less powerful pain meds so that I could see if those would be enough to ease the pain but allow me to function. I tried those last night. They wore off at the 4 hours mark. Problem is that they are "every 6 hours" type pills. I was miserable for two hours. Husband and I were hanging out on the couch and he told me to call the doctor tomorrow and demand they go ahead with the surgery -- there was no need for me to be in such pain.
In my family, you weren't allowed to get sick. That cost money in doctor visits. It also meant you might require extra attention. Heaven forbid my mom had to miss work to take me to the doctor or care for me. Even today my mom can't say anything about feeling bad or Toilet's poor health without mentioning the cost. Mom was not supportive when you were sick. There were no meals brought to you.
I am currently on COBRA under my old health policy, having had to pay a pretty penny for that. It has a $750 deductible and then we have to pay a percentage up to $3,500. On April 1, my new insurance kicks in. It has a lower deductible and then covers 100%. I told Husband I ought to just wait until the 1st for surgery. He said "I don't give a #%*&^$ about the money. I am not going to have you in pain like this." ................... I love that man. Seriously he couldn't have said anything better.
Husband also told me that he would drive me to and from work if I felt up to going. And that he wanted me to carpool to the conference I have on Tuesday. I was worried about needing to leave early and not having a ride. He said not to worry - he'd come pick me up if I needed. The conference is 40 minutes away. He didn't care.
Husband hasn't complained once about my starting a task and then getting too dizzy or unsteady to finish it. He's not complained about having to do all the carrying of Baby, since I'm not comfortable holding him unless I'm sitting down.
Husband is right there when I'm trying to stand up. He brings me snacks and liquid whenever I ask. He ran to the store for me to pick up gatorade and other things I wanted. He offered to take me to the library to pick up some books to read. He even offered to drive me to court and stay there with me if I wanted.
We've had a bit of a role reversal here lately. I'm usually the organized one who manages all the details. On the meds though, I can't keep anything straight. I forget what I've done and said. Husband is having to juggle all the details and remember things. I lose my words halfway through a sentence, and stare blankly into space. He's been very patient with me and with repeating things.
I told Husband he was getting the "Husband of the Year" award. I don't tell him I appreciate him often enough. Sometimes it takes something like this to make you appreciate someone more. I've realized that my Husband is a true rock - steady and strong.
Husband has learned to appreciate all that I do as well. He says he'll be glad when I can return to taking over the middle of the night feedings. He's sure not enjoying bottle duty. I try to help, but Baby doesn't take a bottle from me easily. Plus neither Husband nor I are comfortable with me carrying baby around while on pain meds. I tried to help out yesterday morning and fell asleep while feeding Baby - and I was sitting straight up too.
So fingers crossed and prayers said that I can get this taken care of quickly. I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow and see how soon we can get this removed.