Sunday, May 24, 2009

Denied

I think the worst thing about the situation with my father is being denied. The obituary hit hard. I just wanted to be acknowledged as his daughter. For the fact that I mattered - maybe not recently, but at one time. I wanted the chance to see relatives and old friends.
My one aunt emailed my sister. Have not heard from anyone else at all.

My dad once asked me how I could choose Toilet over him? How can I even begin to answer such a f-ed up question? and I want to ask him -- how could you choose a new wife and kids over us? You saw how it hurt when Mom put her husband aad of us. You promised never to do that. You promised that no girlfriend would ever come before us. You lied.

7 comments:

austin said...

How could you choose Toilet over me?
You didn't. There's an emotionally fatal and sick bond between an abuser and his/her victim. That's the only answer to a jacked up question like that.

The range of emotions you'll go through during the grieving process will surely tire you. Please, in your schedule make time to nurture yourself. This way you get to keep the life you've built and lose nothing to people who don't deserve your time of day.

I figure when my mother dies there will be a whole can of worms that open up. There will be a ton of why, how come, you could have and such. All of it will be justified, normal and expected. In this entry right here I can see your can of worms is open.

I am so sorry for the loss of what should have been.

Austin

mssc54 said...

I suppose there is little comfort in knowing that those who care about you most are there (at your side) holding you, hugging you and wiping the tears as you journey through this difficult season.

Care.

lawyerchik said...

[[[[[HUGS]]]]]

Ethereal Highway said...

I'm glad you are going to the funeral of your mentor. I'm so sorry you've been hurt this way, Enola. You don't deserve it.

Marj aka Thriver said...

Thinking of you and sending warm, comforting hugs. I'm so sorry. ((((((((((((((((Enola))))))))))))))))

kiwispirit said...

I was also pushed aside by my father because of his new wife. For a long time I hated her but now I feel sorry for her because she must be F__ked up to be threatened by a 6 year old. And I also realised my father had a mind of his own. I think his comment about toilet was more about his feeling like he was not the one to stop him. Its hard when hurtfull things are said and they are really a reflection of what they think of themselves.

flashbacks and the like said...

all we can say is we are so so sorry