Monday, May 25, 2009

Hawk Nelson

On the funeral home web page there is my dad's obituatry - the one where neither my sister or I are mentioned. People have been leaving comments. Several pertain to Sister & I. We have no idea who is writing them.

This was from "unknown" - What about HIS daughters??? He was a father to 2 wonderful daughters who DESERVE to be listed!!!!!!

This is from "sad" - I wondered the same thing. Both of his daughters, Sister and Enola, are wonderful women with wonderful husbands and 5 beautiful, gifted children between them. What a shame to have disowned nine beautiful people running from the past.

"A song for You" posted this - From Underneath by Hawk Nelson. From Underneath I wanted you To see the first thing I ever poured my heart into You'll never know the pain that I've been through I'm not so sure you'll ever know And so I'll make you understand the words that built my life Were not from you, but from my father's hand Do you remember that cold day in December Leaving everything you knew behind I may never know how it feels to stand beside you Or take your hand when I need some direction And I may never know what it's like to see you smile back at me Or know you'd be proud of me From underneath I promise to erase the past And let my heart forgive the former you Replace the dark of old and start brand new I never thought I'd see the day I walk toward the end of life and turn the other way I'm reaching out to take my Father's hand

I had to go hear that song. (you can scroll down and hear it). I looked up the lyrics and the meaning. This is what one person said, "I think it means that his own father walked out on him when he was little and he never had a father growing up, and watching his friends around him hang out with thier dad's and have that father-son connection hurts him. He asks him basically if he remembers walking out on his family and tells him that he will never know what it was like to see him grow up into a man. He had no where to turn so he accepted god as his savior and now has someone to turn to instead of his actual dad.Someone to help him through everyday challenges and a hand to guide him through life. "

I was always partial to this Hawk Nelson song. The first time I heard it, it struck me about my relationship and history with my dad. Especially this part - "I tried to be perfect...tried to be everything that you ever wanted."

At first I was mad at the comments, because I thought my aunt (Mom's sister) had written it. She says no, though. I really wonder who it is. Or who they are. I was mad because I didn't want to "cause waves." But now I'm thankful that someone recognized our absence.


austin said...

not a situation i'd want to be in. the stress of this loss for you is incredible as it is but to feel in the spotlight can't be comfortable either. it's bittersweet to be mentioned like this.


beauty said...

I can understand how awkward this made you feel and yet, someone spoke up for you! That must have felt good, to some extent.

Anonymous said...

I was thinking the other night -- do we know for sure that your father did write that in his will, or is someone just saying he did?

And he didn't write his own obit, so could someone else be more responsible for leaving you two out?

And you're not the one making the waves -- someone else is speaking up for you.

Marj aka Thriver said...

I can really relate to the lyrics of those songs, too.

I can understand your mixed feelings about those obit comments. But, I'm glad you got some validation at least.

Enola said...

Prochakas- no, I don't know for sure that he wrote that. I for sure don't think it was in "his will." I know enough about the law to find it odd that the will would have been revealed by now or contain that. It could have been his last wishes - out of something his wife demanded or maybe on his own. Who knows?

Anonymous said...

That is one thing I had to learn to accept. You can not control what some people will write on a condolance link.

I would encourage you to "take full advantage" of those who say, "if there's anything I can do..."

I think I broke some of that habit.

quacks like a duck said...

I am so, so sorry enola.
I've been away from the blog world a little while and only just now catching up.
When my Dad died 10 years ago my sister and I were mentioned in his obituary but only after his new children and his step children.
At the viewing many, many people said to my sister and I "oh, I didn't know he had any daughters" or "It was so nice that you were able to come.
I truly understand how rotten it feels to be discounted like that.
I'm sorry you're going through all of this.

April_optimist said...

I'm kind of glad that someone mentioned you and your sister even if it is awkward. Because you deserve not to be forgotten.

I'm so glad you posted the music, too. I'd never heard it before.