I am in Walmart grocery shopping. I'm waiting in line at the deli and decide to see if I have messages. I pull out my hot pink blackberry and notice a facebook message. It is my cousin. He says "sorry to hear about your dad. Not sure how you feel but we are praying for you."
Huh? I call my sister. She knows nothing. I pick up my cheese and meander over to the check-out line. All the while typing to my cousin. "I don't know what you are talking about. Call me please." I give my cell phone.
I hit 411 and get my aunt's phone number. I leave her a message. I look and I've missed a call. My cousin. I call him back. "I'm so sorry to tell you this. I never meant for you to find out on facebook.....your dad died. Heart attack. No one knows details. No one in the family has had contact with him since nana's funeral."
(** the back story of my dad was told in 4 parts - Part one, two, three and four)
When I wrote the back story, I said this, "Thus ends the story of Dad. I've not had a real relationship with him in 16 years. I've not had any contact at all in 5 years. I suspect I may learn of his demise from my aunts/uncles (his sisters and brothers) but then again I might not."
I do not remember the rest of the Walmart trip, except that I apologized to the cashier for being on the phone. I called my sister and told her - I think the poor cashier overheard things - she looked sorrowfully at me. I called my husband - not sure what I said, but he met me at home.
When I got home I started googling. I could not find an obituary. I finally found a listing of funeral homes in his area. Searching all led me to find that the funeral is Wednesday.
So now what? I'm numb. I have all sorts of thoughts going through my head.
Go to the funeral? My two uncles and one aunt are going. Another aunt may go depending on her chem treatment.
It is an 8 hour drive to my sister's. Then two hours to the funeral. What to do with the kids? Would definitely not bring them.
Will it cause a scene if we go? Probably would. He adopted her four children. The youngest was 3 when they married - probably 20 or so now. That's the only dad he knew. Those kids are innocent in all this - I don't want to cause a scene and disrupt their mourning. Could go and stay in back.
At this point, sister and I are leaning toward just having our own private funeral service at the graveyard in July when we were scheduled to go visit.
I guess it is over. No more chance of reconciliation.
Wonder if he changed things back? Wonder if anything will come my way? Maybe it's crass to think of it, but heck, he promised to pay for my education and then didn't at the last moment. He's very wealthy. If he left things to his "children" then I'd get something. I'd take it too. Pay off my school loans.
It would be nice to have the closure of the funeral. It would be nice to see aunts and uncles.
Have any of you dealt with this? What did you do?
My head hurts