Of NJ, age 59yrs, went to be with the Lord suddenly on May 19, 2009. He is
the beloved husband of Rita. Father of (her son #1) and his wife, (her daughter) of Atco, (her son #2) and his loving youngest son (her son #3) of Berlin. He is also survived by his siblings, (names listed), his Godmother, (names) of NH and
many nieces and nephews. He gave to the community his time, devotion and energy. He was a lifetime member and former Asst. Chief of Fire Co. and 3rd and 4th Degree Knight of Knights of Columbus Council He will be remembered as a "Freedom Fighter." He was the State Representative of NJ Legislature for ABATE of the Garden State. He worked hard and diligently as a Medical Engineer. He was a very multi-faceted human being that God above endured on Earth. He will be sadly missed by his family, friends, and co-workers.
I have no idea what that next to last sentence means - "that God endured on earth?"
Apparently he adopted those 4 children because their last names are the same as Dad's (and my maiden name).
I was speaking with my sister about the obituary when a call came through. It was my Uncle. My dad's younger brother. He and his wife were the friendliest. His wife (a pastor and social worker by training) was a mentor, of sorts, to Rita. Uncle just found out about the death yesterday even though it happened on Tuesday?????
Apparently Uncle drew the short straw. I had left a message on my aunt's phone. She asked Uncle to call me.
Story is that he was working 7 or so hours away from home when he suffered a blood clot which burst near his groin. He had a seizure. Drove home and his wife noticed and took him to the hospital where he died. He was just 59 - would have turned 60 next month.
Uncle said, "I know there were problems. And I know there is usually some responsibility on both sides." I said, "well there was strain, but I always left the door open - he just didn't take advantage of it." I was then chastised and told "we won't go there and say things about your dad now." Guess we can't say anything about the dead.
I told my Uncle that we thought we would not go. Uncle said, "well your dad said specifically in his will that he did not want you there."
~~~ Thud ~~~
So I guess any thoughts and hopes that I had of a deathbed reconciliation are gone. I had this whole fantasy that Dad really wanted a relationship but was just too weak to defy his wife (yeah, just like my mom is too weak to stick up for me against her husband). I fantasized that he would mention us in the will. Leave us something. Not that I wanted materialism. I just wanted to be recognized. I wanted to matter. But this shows me that it was his choice.
At least now I know for sure not to go. And I'm more pissed than numb. I still have some xanax in the cabinet. Think Baby will get some formula and I'll take a pill.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Not Welcome - Not Wanted
I have been all over the map this evening. Sister and I pretty much decided that we would either not go or that we would attend the funeral and just stay in the back and duck out early.
Then my sister emailed me the obituary info from the funeral home. We are not mentioned -