I'm hiding --- mostly from my feelings. What is it about death that brings out family? My father's adopted son (guess he's my step-brother?) emailed us back. I'll call him "Alex" for convenience. Alex is full of praises about dad. It's not that I want to take that away from him, but I really don't need to hear him gush about how good of a man he was.
Why are they wanting contact now? They claim it was their mother who kept them away. Well, their mother is still in the picture.
My uncle called my sister and chatted with her about 1 hour. Sister said he is very braggity - just like dad was. Kept making excuses about the house dad grew up in. I'm tired of the excuses - I grew up in an abusive house too, but I'm not rolling over. I'm rising up and moving on.
The whole family, most of whom we've not heard anything about since Nana's funeral, is calling, emailing and writing. Wanting to stay in touch and for us to come visit. Blah Blah Blah.
My uncle claims to have no idea about the House of Horrors, the fact that Sister was kicked out with no where to go and ended up with an ex-girlfriend of dad's for her senior year in high school, or about anything else. So do we explain it? Does it look like we're making excuses? Or just clarifying the facts? They want to apologize for dad and talk about him as if he were a saint. I get it - the man is dead. But still, I'm not going to accept blame and be the "bad guy" just so we don't speak ill of the dead. I'm not going out of my way to criticize, but I'll not let the truth lie dormant either.
And I'm super tired of the ...."oh you don't see much of your mother, either" refrain. Yes, I have two shitty parents. It is possible. Why do you assume that because I have poor (or no) relationship with either parent, that it is my fault? I can hear their thoughts - "oh it must be something wrong with her. She doesn't speak with either parent."
All the thoughts and feeling swirling around are super confusing.
I'm also caught up in what Sister wants. I still struggle with the fact that I left her in the House of Horrors when I escaped to school. So I try to stand by her side and support her now. That's not a bad thing except when I ignore my own feelings. She's not sure what to do with all this either. Part of us wants to tell everyone "too late. You missed out. Go away again." Part of us feels like we need to reach out. Then again, I know it's akin to ripping the scab off a wound. The wound has healed somewhat. Now we're opening it up again. Saying, "come into my life." Not sure this isn't just the guilt of losing a brother. They will probably disappear again - only to pop back up when another relative dies.
Maybe I'll win the lottery and can move myself and Sister and our families to a desserted island where we don't have to interact with anyone.