I chatted with my Sister last night. We discussed my mother's upcoming visit. Mom's days off are Wed-Thurs. And the whole world must revolve around her days off. It is impossible for her to do anything on days she works - second shift I might note. It is absolutely incomprehensible for her to drive 1 hour to meet up with me on a morning she has to be at work at 2 pm. She absolutely can not stay overnight if she has to work the next day, even though she could leave by 8 am and be home by 11 to go into work at 2 pm. She thinks she is the only person her age to have a full-time job. When she gets home, she is so tired she must lie down. It's impossible for her to have to grocery shop, run any other errands, cook dinner or do laundry except on her days off................can I have some cheese to go with her whining? If my sister or I point out that we manage to work full-time, raise our children, involve them in activities and keep our houses relatively up, as well as find time to visit each other (an 8 1/2 hour drive) several times a year, well that's just all well and good because......we're young. Yep she'll pull the age card, because that trumps all.
But I digress. There is no court this week due to a clerk's conference. So I arranged several months ago to adjust my schedule and leave early Wed and come in late Thursday. That way Mom can come up here Wed - Thurs on her days off. At the time we arranged this, I did not know that Vacation Bible School was this week. So now the plan is that Mom will visit with me, my 5 year old and the Baby at home. Then Munchkin will go to Bible school. Either, Husband will stay home with my mother and Bugaboo while I go over and teach my part. Or I'll take Mom with me. Either way, she'll get a bit of time with Bugaboo without Munchkin. My daughter wears her out. Heaven forbid my daughter want to do something active or act like a typical 5 year old.
My Sister says I should take Mom to VBS with me. That night's lesson goes over Jesus dying on the cross for our sins and the plan of salvation. Would be good for Mom to hear. But part of me would feel really hypocritical having her there while a part of me is hoping she continues to feel guilty over her actions and inactions. Why would I want her to feel forgiven? I know I'm "supposed to" but I don't.
My Sister mentioned a conversation she had recently with Mom. My cousin is separating (again) from her husband. She bought her son (age 6) a new bedroom set. She is sending the boy to a relative's house while she moves out and sets up the new bed in her new apartment. My mom thought that was horrible. She said that the boy needed closure and needed to see the bedroom be taken apart and then participate in setting it up in his new house. How horrible that he would go away to stay with his grandparents and then come home to a new place to live, and only to visit his old place?
My sister said she just sat there. What we both would have wanted to say was, "Hey mom, remember when you and dad split? You and your new "friend" that we always knew as Dad's friend - the one you all of a sudden kissed goodbye the night dad moved out - yeah, you two drove us up to Grandma and Grandpa's house. We stayed there 2 weeks. When we came back, we were taken to a new apartment where we shared a room for the first time, shared an apartment with 3 new children (his kids) and your new boyfriend (soon to be known as Toilet). The cat and dog were gone (killed) because the apartment didn't allow pets. Oh yeah, we did get to visit our old house, which was now completely empty."
Guess she forgot about that.
She really doesn't get it. She is clueless. If Sister or I mentioned this, she'd first try to point out how the situations couldn't possibly be as similar as we were making it. Then she'd proclaim innocence and turn it into poor pitiful her.
So, Mom's visit is this week. I find myself in the same spot - wanting to see her, feeling like I have to let her come, dreading her being here, bitching about her before and after, and hating every moment of her visit. One of these days I'll figure out how to get off this crazy circle and do something about it. Right now, I just can't. Sometimes surviving the status quo is easier.