Monday, November 23, 2009

Road Trip - connecting with New - Old Family


I leave tomorrow night/Wed morning at around 2 am for my sister's. I am super excited. We've found that leaving at 2 am works well. The kids go to sleep and generally wake about 6 am which gives us almost half the trip under our belt before we stop.
For the last two (or maybe three) years, my sister and her crew have come down here for Thanksgiving and we've gone to my in-laws. This year we're doing it differently. We are going up north to her house. Then they'll come down here for New Years. Husband has not missed a holiday with his family in a long time so that has taken some adjustment on his part. It's been 4 1/2 months since I've seen my sister and my niece/nephews. Far too long in my book. I don't like going this long without a visit.
We're planning on an early turkey dinner to accommodate my BIL having to work. Then we'll do dessert with my step-sister. I wrote about her here. I got curious one day and looked my step-siblings up on facebook. Their last name is extremely unique. Lo and behold there they all were.
The oldest is seven days younger than me. The middle is 2 years younger than me/6 months older than my sister. The boy is 5 years younger than me. He looks exactly like his father. He's a junior so they have the same name too. That took awhile to get used to. I'm still taken aback when I see him.
The oldest and youngest live in another state near their mother, who is still married to the guy she married after Toilet. The oldest has two children. The youngest just got married. The middle one, who I'll call Marie, and her daughter live near my sister. We found out she was going to be alone for Tgiv and invited them up. This should be interesting.......... I told my sister that we probably would have to call Toilet by his given name.
The two youngest have zero contact with their father. The oldest sends cards and pictures on occasion. Interesting to see how the oldest (me, oldest step-sister and oldest of dad's adoptive kids) have all fallen into the same roll of maintaining some sense of family at all costs. I wonder what Toilet thinks of the pictures - his oldest is dating a handsome African American guy. She has two adorable children, both are bi-racial. Will he see past the color of their skin to see that they make a wonderful looking family? Will he see that the children look like their mother/his daughter? Will he have any pangs of longing for being cut out of their lives? Will he think dirty thoughts about the children?
I'm excited to see Marie and her daughter. She does not have contact with her father either. She said they were supposed to get together about the time Toilet and Mom moved down here, but he never called to set it up. She said she got tired of forcing the issue and gave up. Marie and her daughter look just like her mother (Toilet's ex). I wonder if that has anything to do with it.
I wonder if Toilet has seen pictures of his youngest - his namesake. At first glance I thought he wasn't too bad looking. Then I saw a picture of him without a baseball cap. Poor kid is prematurely balding just like his dad. And boy is he the spitting image of his father. It's hard for me to see pictures of him without a hat. When his name pops up I have to take a deep breath. I told him I'd never call him by his real name - always by his nickname.
Sister and I told each of the kids that we have no contact with their father. When pressed I used my standard "he's not appropriate to be around children and it is not safe or appropriate for me to have him around my children." They've not pressed the issue, which alone tells me what I need to know.
I wonder what we'll discuss at my sister's. I wonder if word will get back to my mom. I'm not open with my mom. I don't lie, but I don't offer information either. My sister doesn't hide things. So she'll tell my mom who we met up with. Now that ought to be interesting. Mom tells Toilet - hey my kids had Tgiv lunch with your kid and here we sit all alone in our house. I could feel sorry for them but I don't.

1 comment:

lawyerchik said...

It sounds like you will have a mixture of good and bad for Thanksgiving. I'm glad that you are taking some time off - and away from routine for a while! :)

Have a good thanksgiving!!