Monday, December 28, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTER
By Maya Angelou
'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'
When I say.... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean living;'
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'
When I say.... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
my flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain...
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou;
I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow!
Pretty is as pretty does... But beautiful is just plain beautiful!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
This picture is from our trip to the park very early this morning. It started snowing yesterday morning. School closed early and Munchkin was sent home. I picked up Bugaboo and came home myself. We bundled up in our makeshift snow clothes. After all we don't get enough snow to keep boots and snowsuits handy. Plastic bags over socks work in a pinch.
We play in the snow. We sled down the small hill in our yard, throw snowballs and laugh. When we go in, we start a fire and warm up. I nap in the chair with Bugaboo.
It snowed all night. We woke up to 8 inches of fluffy white stuff. Munchkin was awake before 7 am, insisting I said we could go sledding first thing in the morning. I guess I forgot to clarify it needed to be daylight first!
About 8 am we bundled up and drove, slip-sliding, to the nearby park. Husband told me I couldn't possibly sled down the one steep hill. "You Southerner!" I replied. I hopped on the sled, put Munchkin in front and whee ...away we went, squealing all the way. I think I screamed just as loudly as Munchkin. Bugaboo didn't much like the sledding but he did enjoy throwing snowballs and watching everyone. For awhile I forgot I am mid-30s and played like a kid. That will hurt tomorrow!
We came home and Bugaboo and I came in to hot cocoa (me) and warm milk (him) . We sat in front of our huge picture window, enjoying the sun, and watching Munchkin and Husband build a snowman. Then we got sleepy so we went in and napped on my bed, with the sun streaming in the window. There is something magical about napping in sunlight reflecting off snow.
In another hour, I'll go out and take a turn shoveling the drive, while giving Munchkin another run in the snow. Husband will start a fire and we'll snuggle up with hot chocolate and homemade chocolate chip cookies (I can be domestic sometimes). We'll giggle at Bugaboo standing up so proud of himself and encourage him to walk. Later we'll tuck two exhausted kids into bed.
It's a great day.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Last night he announced he was going to use the $$ his parents gave him toward Christmas to pay for before/after school care for Munchkin. That way he could go hunting. I told him Wednesday and Thursday were no good this week. He starts whining about how the weather might not be good Tuesday (today). I told him the weather was not my problem.
After repeatedly asking me if I was sure Tuesday would work, and my repeatedly telling him that I would not object to Tuesday (what he really wanted was for me to give him my blessing and be happy for him going Tuesday), he decided to go.
So then he asks me to email Munchkin's teacher that Munchkin will be in before/after school and should not be put on the bus. I tell him he can do it. He says, "but I can't." I told him very calmly that I was not going to stand in his way, but I was not going to enable him either. He didn't like that very much.
We yelled back and forth and I finally said, "Look I hate you and hunting and I am not going to enable that any more."
He thought I said I hate YOUR hunting. There is a difference in my opinion. I don't mind him hunting. I hate the way he gets and hunting - his obsessiveness.
So anyway, he usurps Munchkin's time on the computer to try to email the teacher. Why he didn't just handwrite a note and put it in her folder, I don't know. Instead of logging my account off, he clicks some button ends up on my Enola account. In the subject part of the message he writes "Munchkin will not ride the bus."
So he sent the teacher an email from "Enola" listing my blog address. Great....now the teacher knows my blog name and that I'm crazy.
Husband said he thought my attitude "stunk" because after all, he did cancel his job interview to stay home with a sick Bugaboo. First of all, I was in court or I would have come home so he could have gone to the interview. Second of all, it makes no sense for me to jeopardize my job so you can go to an interview for a job you might (or might not) get. Third of all, that is your JOB as a PARENT. You don't get some sort of reward or sticker for that. So when he said he earned the right to go hunting I was livid.
He'll want to tell me all about the killing tonight. I don't want to hear it. When hunting becomes less important than family I might show some interest. Until then I'm not interested.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Munchkin's sedation dentist procedure was moved up to TODAY. I'm glad it is getting done with. I hate that I'm not there and I'm on pins and needles waiting to hear. But Bugaboo is sick with a fever. Well he had a fever yesterday. None today but daycare has that darn 24 hour rule. So Husband is taking both kids with him and I hate being stuck here at work.
(He just called and "it was tough" but she did "okay." She was crying that she wanted Mommy but I told her about the movie and she was better)
Daycare found someone to purchase our spot from Dec 28 - Jan 16. We keep Bugaboo at home and they pay to use our spot. Great since Husband is unemployed and the only reason I haven't pulled Bugaboo completely is that I'm afraid of losing the spot permanently. Except now Husband has a second interview on Monday and they're talking a Jan 1st start date. UGH!!! Him possibly getting a job is great news. Now what about daycare? Luckily I have a friend that offered to take him starting Jan 4th but I hate to ask that of someone. Grrrrr
Husband thinks that because I wrote him a letter "unrestricting" his hunting that he can go all the time and I'll just twist into all sorts of shapes accommodating him. I have tried to be accommodating - paying for daycare for Munchkin so he could hunt all day; cancelling an attorney event we were to attend; rushing around on a court day to accommodate him. What do I get? A pouty, juvenile, foot stomping baby who whines because he (1) missed a deer, (2) didn't see a deer, or (3) shot a deer but couldn't find it. Well guess what? I'm tired of your crap. I put it in writing and am giving it to him to discuss with his Therapist. What is my incentive to accommodate your hunting more? I don't get a thankful, grateful, happy husband in return. So screw you - I'm taking Munchkin and we're going to the movies tonight (a reward for surviving the dentist). Sorry that interferes with your hopes to hunt yet again (4th time this week). It's not on the calendar (despite repeated requests) so I'm going on with my own plans. Plus I just can't stand to be around you right now.
I'm bummed that Husband's interview made it neccessary for him to cancel his therapist appointment on Monday and that he couldn't reschedule until after the holidays. I might have to kill him before then.
I'm tired of crazy clients making threats. We have 4 people on our 'watch list' now that have targeted my group.
Munchkin has been on her best behavior since I "threw out" her gingerbread house kit last weekend. The Elf on a Shelf has been working wonders too. I have her convinced that Elf reports to Santa about her behavior every night. I wonder how I can incorporate this into all holidays. If she is really good this weekend, I think the Elf might bring her a new gingerbread house to work on.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
"What?" I asked. "What did you say?"
"The bad black guy robber will come take my money," she repeated.
"Black guy? Why would he be black?" I asked her.
"But Mommy, all the bad guys are black," she explained in that exasperated tone of voice that conveys, "don't you know anything?"
I took a deep breath as my mind raced to think where on earth she had gotten such an idea. The news? Her grandparents?
I tried to explain that bank robbers, and all robbers, came in all shapes, colors, sizes and sexes. She kept shaking her head, "No." She kept explaining, "They are all black, Mommy. All of them."
Husband came in and we both tried to explain to her that all black guys were not robbers and all robbers were not black guys. We weren't getting anywhere. I kept asking where she heard such a thing. She replied, "the news....and Martha speaks."
"Martha speaks?" I asked. Martha Speaks is a cartoon. One of the few I let her watch because I actually think it teaches some good things. Had I been wrong?
"Yes mommy. The robber was all black. Head to toe. Like that mask thing Daddy wears when hunting."
"Huh? Oh wait? You mean a ski mask? Like a hat that covers his face?" I asked.
"Yes Mommy," she sighed, rapidly losing patience. "The one all the bad guy robbers wear. With their black shoes, black pants and black shirts. Oh and black gloves. Then the black mask. All the bad guys are black guys. So no one can see them."
"Ahhhh," I said, the light finally dawning, "so you mean the bad guys WEAR all black."
"Yes Mommy,that is what I said," Daughter explained. "Do you get it now?"
Yes I get it. My adult mind assumed the worst. I forgot that kids are supposed to be innocent, and that mine are. I forgot that they aren't growing up in a house where people are judged by skin color. For a minute there, I wondered where I had gone wrong in teaching her. Then I learned it was me who had gone wrong in assuming the worst. I'm glad I was wrong. I get it now.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
If you've been reading long, then you know the gun saga. If not, then the brief version is -- DH thinks guns are necessary for protection. I'm not a huge fan. Before we had kids, he kept a loaded gun in his dresser or on a closet shelf. When Munchkin started to walk, we made changes. The first issue was when I found Munchkin playing with the gun cabinet keys at 18 months. The keys were in the open gun cabinet door. She was interested in the keys. I was mad the cabinet was unlocked and unattended. DH & I had words and I told him it was unacceptable. Years later I found an unloaded rifle in the basement where he put it instead of putting it up after hunting. I told him if it happened again, there would be no more guns in the house. Then there was the big incident where I found a gun (he claims for protection). Husband and I created a written contract which we negotiated and signed.
So with first incident I make clear is that no guns are to be left out, unlocked. He then crosses the boundary by leaving an unloaded rifle out in the basement. I confront him and he defends saying it was unloaded and Munchkin isn't allowed in the basement unaccompanied at that age. I relent. Then there was the huge incident where he left the weapon unlocked in his dresser drawer. Boundary crossed again. He wanted a second chance. I made the contract with him and urged him to buy any gun safe he wanted. He finally bought a gun safe.
I just let him violate my boundary, cross the line, break his verbal and written word. My thinking was that it was a "little" issue because I discovered it immediately and he quickly agreed not to let it happen again.
I'm not sure what to do now. Do I give him one more chance? I already have, really. Do I go back and insist the guns get out? Do I talk to him and let him know he crossed the boundary and while I may have let it slip, it's weighing on me?
Sounded like a good topic for this week's T session. So last night I discussed that with T. As well as the fact that Husband has still not enforced the rules with his parents. His father promised to build a gun safe and put his guns in it. He has one safe, but insists he needs some guns in the basement - they hang on the wall now.