You made me do it.
I couldn't help myself.
I don't know what came over me.
You're so beautiful....
If you hadn't have dressed that way...
What did you expect when you said/did/wore that?
It's your fault.
If you hadn't have done .......
Do you find yourself collecting other people's garbage? Being a general dumping ground?
Husband and I had a big argument this weekend. The gist of it is that every thing I do makes him want sex. He's a man, after all. I told him he had two options - I could be Miss Ice Woman except when I was interested and willing to "do the deed." ~~ Or I could be myself, giving him hugs and kisses, putting my arm on his, holding his hand while walking, and he needs to learn that it doesn't mean I am dying to run home and hop in bed all the time.
My attempts at being reasonable went unheard. He started fighting nasty and saying mean things comparing me to my sister (which I think is a compliment, but he obviously did not mean it that way). Since I can't win a fight of your family versus mine, and because frankly I find it disgusting to make fun of someone's family in a fight, and down right dirty, I just walked off.
He did write a note of "apology" which was more akin to, "I shouldn't have said it, but you deserved it." In the note, and in most of the discussions we've had, he says things like, "you're so beautiful, I can't help but be attracted to you." "You're so attractive, I can't help but want to be with you." Yada Yada Yada.
It sat wrong with me. It turned my stomach. But I didn't connect the dots until this morning.
I have lived my life connected with people that make excuses. Toilet made excuses - it was the alcohol, not seeing his children, the way I dressed, the way I acted........My dad made excuses - it was my mom's fault, the way she acted, the alcohol, his job.........Mom made excuses - it was dad's fault, she didn't know what to do, she had no other choice.
Does ANYONE take responsibility for themselves?
Me, on the other hand, will accept all the blame I deserve, and everyone else's. Want to blame someone else? Walk right over here and dump it on me. I'll take it.
So I'm in the process now of sorting through where I am legitimately responsible and where I am not. Then I'll gather up all the shit that has been dumped on me and load it back where it goes. Make way for the return of your own shit. The garbage truck is making deposits everywhere.