Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Finally Found the Perfect Card

If you have a warped, sick sense of humor - or if you grew up in a dysfunctional family - check out I think I've finally found some cards appropriate to send my mom.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Sexual Abuse Survivors & DID Featured on Oprah

I have read both of Erin Merryn's books and I must say they are wonderfully written. Erin is a powerful advocate for sexual abuse survivors everywhere. Her latest crusade is passing Erin's Law. In school, children experience fire drills and tornado drills. The "just say no" campaign teaches kids what to do when presented with drugs. But there is no program designed to teach kids what to do if someone attempts to molest the, or what to do if they have been abused. Erin's law is an education campaign to address this missing piece in school.

I was super excited to get a facebook message from Erin saying she was going to appear on Oprah. I watched the show last night. (Read about her appearance here). The show was a must-see.

Oprah's episode was titled "One Mom, 20 Personalities" and featured Kim Noble. There were flashbacks to Truddi Chase, and an update on her story, as well as an interview with her daughter.

I remember watching Truddi on Oprah. The original show aired in 1990. I don't know if i saw the original broadcast or a repeat. But it was in the 90s that I first saw it. I remember "rabbit" one of the personalities. I remember the terror in Truddi's voice and thinking how horrible it must be to have these personalities that just wouldn't forget about the abuse. (you may know Truddi from "when rabbit howls" or from the movie "The Voices within). At that time I thought my own method of "pushing the memories down" was the best way to cope.

There is an interview of two girls on the website discussing the show and they said, "
They believed if they confided in their mother they would never have to see their molester again. But instead of going to the police, their mother, Ellen, struck a tragic deal with the man molesting her children. "I took the girls to a counselor. The counselor said, 'You know, really you have two choices,'" Ellen explains. "'You can have him arrested or you can see that he gets counseling,' which I thought I did. He didn't end up going continually to the counseling." Their own father, who knew what happened, remained close with the man, even continuing to bring the girls to the abuser's home." I can well relate to their situation. My mother gave me the two choices instead. Tell and go live with my father, or keep quiet and he (Toilet) would get counseling, which I thought he did, but he did not.

If you get the chance to see this episode online or on a rerun, watch it. It is very healing and very well presented. Also check out Erin's website and how you can support and advocate for Erin's law.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I Don't Know

When you are little, you think parents have all the answers. My 6 year old is still convinced I have special vision and that is why I know exactly when she is doing something in the other room that she ought not be doing. She constantly tells me, "Mommy, you're so smart" when I help her with a homework problem. When I can find the missing sock, she says, "you're the bestest Mommy. How do you know so many things?"

I hate to burst her bubble but Mommy does not have all the answers.

Bugaboo is learning lots of new vocabulary words and "pop pop" is one of his favorites. Pop Pop can mean his grandpa (Husband's dad) or a lollipop. Munchkin wanted to know why she calls Husband Daddy but Husband calls his father "Pop." Why I call my grandfather "Grandpa" but she calls hers "Pop Pop." It became quite confusing. She asked me what I call my Dad and I said, "I used to call him Dad." She said, "oh yeah. He's the bad guy who is dead, right? We visited where he is in the ground."

I tried to explain that my father is dead and yes we did visit his grave. I explained that I used to see him a lot but things changed and I hadn't seen him in a very long time. I was trying to keep it simple. The last thing I want her asking if her daddy will leave like mine. I told her that he was not nice to be around and so Sister and I had chosen not to be around him. She asked, "is he the bad guy that Grandma lives with?"

I had to explain that Grandma does live with a bad man but that person is not my father. We talked about divorces. Some of her friends have divorced parents so she understood that some children don't have mommies and daddies who live together. I told her that Grandma remarried and her husband makes bad choices.

She wanted to know if that is why we don't go to Grandma's house and I explained yes that was the reason. She had been asking about visiting Grandma a few days prior. I told her that Mommy and Daddy would not let her be around that bad man so we didn't visit there and he was not allowed to come to our house.

Then she asks, "what bad things did he do?" I told her that they were bad things and we didn't need to go into all the details because that was grown-up stuff. I think she's still a little too young to know that.

So far I think I'm doing okay. Then she asks, "why did he do those things mommy?"

That, sweetie, I do not know.