Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I Don't Know

When you are little, you think parents have all the answers. My 6 year old is still convinced I have special vision and that is why I know exactly when she is doing something in the other room that she ought not be doing. She constantly tells me, "Mommy, you're so smart" when I help her with a homework problem. When I can find the missing sock, she says, "you're the bestest Mommy. How do you know so many things?"

I hate to burst her bubble but Mommy does not have all the answers.

Bugaboo is learning lots of new vocabulary words and "pop pop" is one of his favorites. Pop Pop can mean his grandpa (Husband's dad) or a lollipop. Munchkin wanted to know why she calls Husband Daddy but Husband calls his father "Pop." Why I call my grandfather "Grandpa" but she calls hers "Pop Pop." It became quite confusing. She asked me what I call my Dad and I said, "I used to call him Dad." She said, "oh yeah. He's the bad guy who is dead, right? We visited where he is in the ground."

I tried to explain that my father is dead and yes we did visit his grave. I explained that I used to see him a lot but things changed and I hadn't seen him in a very long time. I was trying to keep it simple. The last thing I want her asking if her daddy will leave like mine. I told her that he was not nice to be around and so Sister and I had chosen not to be around him. She asked, "is he the bad guy that Grandma lives with?"

I had to explain that Grandma does live with a bad man but that person is not my father. We talked about divorces. Some of her friends have divorced parents so she understood that some children don't have mommies and daddies who live together. I told her that Grandma remarried and her husband makes bad choices.

She wanted to know if that is why we don't go to Grandma's house and I explained yes that was the reason. She had been asking about visiting Grandma a few days prior. I told her that Mommy and Daddy would not let her be around that bad man so we didn't visit there and he was not allowed to come to our house.

Then she asks, "what bad things did he do?" I told her that they were bad things and we didn't need to go into all the details because that was grown-up stuff. I think she's still a little too young to know that.

So far I think I'm doing okay. Then she asks, "why did he do those things mommy?"

That, sweetie, I do not know.


misssrobin said...

Wow. Tough questions. Being a parent is hard. You want to be honest and you want to protect them. Sometimes it's tough to do both.

I think you did well.

Kahless said...

Wow. Kids cut to the chase.

Hope you are well Enola

Rising Rainbow said...

Tough questions for sure. You're doing great. There will be a time when it's ok for her to know more and I'm sure you'll know best when that is. In the meantime, you're doing a great job of protecting her and her brother.

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